


S(i)MP(s)

by HonkAus



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: + Fundy n Tubbo, ? Medium burn. at least for fundywastaken yea, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Fluff, I will also try and keep angst to a minimum because angst in chatfics always turns out. weird., Multi, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Slow Burn, Tags May Change, Underage Drug Use, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, listen its a chatfic what do you want from me., this is looking at dnf. they r strictly platonic here, you fuckers know what i mean.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29486166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HonkAus/pseuds/HonkAus
Summary: Ranboo:oh wait I gotta cut this short my package just got hereoh my godOH MY GODFUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YESSSSSLEMON DEMON VINYL MY BELOVEDALMOSY TYPED SEMON! WERE IGNORING THATDreamy:we are NOTLEMON SEMONRanboo:Hmm dream quick questionDreamy:techno voiceHehRanboo:see that doesn't work when I don't know who techno isAlso have you ever considered dying :blush:
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Clay | Dream & Karl Jacobs & Ranboo, Clay | Dream/Floris | Fundy, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 327
Kudos: 1243





	1. "you unsettle me, George NotFound."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Middle Child:** wait
> 
> my name
> 
> WHO MADE THIS MY NAME
> 
> WHICH ONW OF YOW

**_The Memory Loss Trio_ **

_(3 members)_

**Middle Child:** this is hell

**Boba:**?

**Middle Child:** wait

my name

WHO MADE THIS MY NAME

WHICH ONW OF YOW

**Boba:** yow

**TwitchTv:** yow

**Middle Child:** karl. 

**TwitchTv:** yes Middle Child.?

**Middle Child:** _karl._

**TwitchTv:** what is it Middle Child 

**Middle Child:** COUNT YOUR DAYS BEFORE YOU COME BACK FROM BREAK BITCH. COUNT THEM GOOD.

**TwitchTv:** I don't think I will <3

**Boba:** lol

**TwitchTv:** Anyway whatcha whining about dream

**Middle Child:** huh

OH

RIGHT 

before I gad to thrwtwb you over my name

**TwitchTv:** what the absolute honk does that say dream 

**Middle Child:** no

**Boba:** "before I had to threaten you over my name"

**TwitchTv:** Omg ranboo my favorite younger sibling

**Middle Child:** DIE

anyway

my friends want to make a group chat

**TwitchTv:** why is that bad

**Middle Child:** THEY WANT ME TO ADD YOU FUCKS 

**TwitchTv:** are you embarrassed by your brothers. what the fuck

**Boba:** I am crying 

I am ccrying so hard

I am sobbing 

Can you hear me sobbing against the wall big brother

I am in agony 

**Boba:** why would you be embarrassed by us

What did we do

Pleade

**Middle Child:** ARE YOU ACTUALLY CRYING

ARE YOU OKAY I CAN LITERALLY HEAR IT IM COMING INTO YOUR ROOM

**Boba:** DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME YOU DID THSI

**Middle Child:** LET ME IN RANBOO 

**Boba:** AAAAAAAAAAAA

AAA

AAAAA

AAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAA.AAAAAAAAA

AAAA

**TwitchTv:** WHY ARE YOU GUYS COMMUNICATING THROUGH DISCORD MESSAGES ???

**Middle Child:** HE WONT ANSWER ME VERBALLY

**Boba:** oh I'm nv rn lol

**Middle Child:** OH

could've texted me that asshole

**Boba:** no<3

**Middle Child:** I'm coming in

**Boba:** UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

fine 

**Middle Child:** WHY ARE YOU ACTUALLY CRYING 

**Boba:** I am a master at deception 

I am so smart

Mwahahahaahahahhhhhngnbmjhnh

**TwitchTv:** lord

**Boba:** DREAM TACKLED ME

**TwitchTv:** _LORD_

\--

**_The Memory Loss Trio_ **

_(3 members)_

  
  


**Middle Child:** I've decided to add you annoying fucks to the group chat

Because George didn't exactly say my siblings

Just two more people

SOO….

**TwitchTv:** I don't like that so

**Middle Child:** you guys are going to pretend to not know me

**TwitchTv:** H

HHHUH?

HUH?!??!?????????

**Boba:** _ARE WE IN AN ANIME?_

DID YOUR HEIGHT GO TO YOUR HEAD

ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MISCOMMUNICATION PLOT

I'M NOT ABOUT TO ME MISTAKEN FOR YOUR LOVE INTEREST AND YOU HAVE TO HURRIEDLY EXPLAIN THAT NO!!! NO UH

**Boba:** WHO WAS IT YOIRE CRUSJING ON

**TwitchTv:** Fundy 

**BOBA:** _FUNDY_

AND YOUBHAVE TO HURRIEDLY EXPLAIN THAT NO FUNDY NO RANBOO IS MY _BROTHER_ YOU SEE

DIE

DREAM? DIE

**Middle Child:** HEWKDJKSEWIEWOSKAMEJWKOWIWJFKEIEKWKRJEKEHRNF

HEELPBEEEKEJDF

IM WOSBONH

SOSHH8BY

SOHHINH

**Middle Child:** OSBSING

SOBBING

**TwitchTv:** look what you fucking did

you made boba snap

what the honk dream

**Middle Child:** PLEASEJSN I CAN EXPLAIN,,,,,JZDEJRID

**Boba:** DO IT THEN BITCHBOY I HATE YOU SO MUCH 

**Middle Child:** OKAY …. UH………

**Boba:** I WANT A FUCKING ESSAY

800 WORDS AT _MINIMUM_ BITCH

_OH I SAW YOU TYPING SPIT IT OUT DREAMS. SPIT. IT. OUT._

**Middle Child:** oKAY OKAY SO UH.

not that we directly. hide it. I just don't want them.asking for… blackmail against me??

Idk these r like. My friends and we're siblings and I've just.

Never had that? My own friends that weren't friends with me because I was good at sports or to get to you guys and idkkkkk it's stupid nvm

**TwitchTv:** :[

**Boba:** oh :((

No I get that yea

Rsd?

**Middle Child:** FUCK YOU DHENDH yeah probably 

**Boba:** tbh it was always the opposite for me:(

**TwitchTv:** ^ same yea

people were just always like omg,, ur brother is DREAM?? bro omg,,,

People like u for u dreams dw. these people do. you've talked about them a lot and they seem to care about you

**Boba:** and tbf were all adopted so

If they didn't know we're siblings yet

They probably ? Won't??

Dude I'm literally an enderman

**Middle Child:** HSBSMDHSKFHIEOWJD

**Boba:** why are you laughing I literally am :anguished:

**Middle Child:** HNESKEHAKDHWOHF

**Boba:** STOP MOCKING ME MIDDLE CHILD 

**Middle Child:** .

**TwitchTv:** HAHAHHAJSHJSWHDHAHD

**Middle Child:** :anguished:

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

  
  


**George:** OHHH NEW PEOPLE hello

**Ranboo:** I don't like you.

**George:** HHHUH

**Ranboo:** I dislike you, George NotFound.

**George:** _HOW DO YOU KMOW MY NAME?_

**Ranboo:** You unsettle me. Why do you move like that, George NotFound.

**Fundy:** HBSNSHD????????.

**Dreamy** : HELP

**Karl:** 'Boo stop attacking the twink ??

**George:** I AM NOT A 

_TWINK_

THANK YOU VERY MUCH

**Dreamy:** no you are

**Pandas:** you deffo are dude 

**Fundy:** You are, yeah.

**Bee Boy:** no you are big man :)

**George:** WHAT THE FUCK?????????

**Pandas:** Anyway pspsp

@ _Get Ranboo'd_ @ _Twitch.Tv/Karl_ do a lil intro for the gang

**Ranboo:** hhuu okay

**Ranboo:** I'm Ranboo, call me whatever ig. I'm in high-school and I annoy my friends karl and dream while also being the most responsible out of of three of us

**Karl:** you LITERALLY are NOT

**Ranboo:** don't make me bring up the time you got high

**Karl:** Ranboo.

You're a kid. You don't get it.

Weed, edibles, they don't have that much control over you, okay?

I knew what I was doing.

**Ranboo:** _WHHUH WHU_

ARW YOU SAHING

ARENYOU FUCKING SAYING YOU

**Karl:** I meant to climb that mountain at 3am, Ran.

**Ranboo:** WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Bee Boy:** oooo

We r keeping them :thumbsup:

**Karl:** I didn't mean to fall off, _but,_

**Ranboo:** I HATE YOU I HATE YOU SO MJCH WHAT THE FUCK

**Karl:** Also hi! :] I'm Karl! Good friend of Dream and Ranboo, senior like Dream. I do arson :] sometimes 

**Pandas:** I'm in love with you

**Karl:** Oh? Wanna kiss

**Pandas:** bet

**George:** whore sapnap strikes again

**Pandas:** RUDE AS HELL GEORGE STRIKES AGAIN GET OUT OF MY BUSINESS BITCH

**Bee Boy:** :00? Arson?

**Karl:** Yes :]

**BIG MAN:** WHO SAID ARSON

**Karl:** Me and the Bee?

Learn to read please

**BIG MAN:** WHHWHWWHHWHWUH

WHAT THE FUCK!!

\--

**_The Memory Loss Trio_ **

_(3 members)_

**Middle Child:** CAN YOU TWO STOP BULLYING MY FRIENFS WHAT YHE FUCJ

**TwitchTv:** no lol :]

**Boba:** Absolutely Not

This is a George not found hatepage

I wish I did not find him

That's so funny actually im putting it in the server

**TwitchTv:** HSNKSBDKDBD SO TRUE ANY TRUERS???

**Middle Child:** ONE DAY I WILL SNAP.

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

**Ranboo:** Anyway

Gotta say

This is a George NotFound hatepage

God I wish I did not find him

**Pandas:** IM IN FUCKING TEARS KID

**Ranboo:** do not call me Kid?

You will be next.

**Pandas:** HUH

**Bee Boy:** oh :) you know

**BIG MAN:** Tubbo is just so Wise

Unlike George.

**George:** WHY ARE THE CHILDREN BULLYING ME WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO ?

???!?#?@?@?@?#&@?$&@(

**Bee Boy:** Yes! :smile:

**Ranboo:** the freshmen are unionizing

**Pandas:** bad is going to have a field day when he gets back 

**Dreamy:** LORD

can the freshmen stop unionizing. Maybe?

**Ranboo:** What the fuck.

No? What

What is wrong with you

Literally what

Did your mother not hold you enough as a child 

**Dreamy:** you know the answer to that one.

**Ranboo:** .

I'm ignoring that to continue being the funniest person you know 

**Karl:** hey :[

**Ranboo:** I never said you weren't second Karl 

I just am funny because of spicy lore

Spicy enderman lore

**Bee Boy:** YOURE AN ENDERMAN?:0

**Ranboo:** yes . ?

**Bee Boy:** THAT IS SO POGCHAMP WHAT

**Ranboo:** !:) I am just so cool big man

ANYWAY 

"can the freshmen stop unionizing" NO

we CANT ACTUALLY

ASSHOLE

ever think about that??? HUH??

**Dreamy:** yawns and looks at watch

**Ranboo:** YOU DONT A WATCH YOU HOMELESS BITCH

**Pandas:** !?@ HOMELESS?

**George:** _HOMELESS?_

**Dreamy:** FUCK OFFFFFF I HATE YOU SO MUCH

I WAS NOT EVER HOMELESS ITS AN INSIDE JOKE

**Fundy:** Homeless Dream pog?

**BIG MAN:** SO TRUE ANY TRUERS???

**Karl:** TRUE!!!!!!

**Ranboo:** oh wait I gotta cut this short my package just got here

oh my god

OH MY GOD

FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YESSSSS

LEMON DEMON VINYL MY BELOVED

ALMOSY TYPED SEMON! WERE IGNORING THAT

**Dreamy:** we are NOT

LEMON SEMON

**Ranboo:** Hmm dream quick question

**Dreamy:** techno voice

Heh

**Ranboo:** see that doesn't work when I don't know who techno is 

Also have you ever considered dying :blush:

**Dreamy:** yea god said they didn't want me

**Ranboo:** well too bad you're going up early my boy

**Dreamy:** what

WHAGS

WHEHD RANVODF

GETE OFF OF DEME EGETE AWYAHS

**George:** is he dying

**Ranboo:** Yes.

**George:** good

**Ranboo:** You're on thin ice, George NotFound. But for that? You've gained a bit of respect 

**George:** why am I scared of a freshman

**Ranvoo:** I am 8'6 lol

**George:** _OH OKAY THATS WHY IM SCARSD OF A FRESHMAN_

**Dreamy:** HE FUCKING CAME AT ME WIYH A KNIFE

**Karl:** it wouldn't be the first time you big baby calm down>:[

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact about me, the way I'm able to tell if I have a hyperfixation is if I want to write a chatfic for it or not. I wish that was a joke.
> 
> also. bare boned lore just to start: dream, karl, and ranboo are adopted brothers. the universe is a bit fucked, but consider it modern with minecraft creatures thrown in? everyone is in high-school, just out, or in their first year of college. this starts out, probably just before winter break ended (though I wont be making a christmas or new years chapter) which is why karl is "coming back" from break. uh. ask if I need to clarify anything else amen amen


	2. movie night amen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Quack:**  
>  timbo
> 
> no wilbur stop typing ill get it give me a minute 
> 
> Theembo
> 
> **Wilby:** no that's eret

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

  
  


**Pandas:** gm gamers are we getting that bread?

**Bee Boy:** I have been taken to detention for threatening a teacher. :blush: :thumbsup:

**Pandas:** I have taught you well

**Wilby:** ITS FIRST PERIOD FOR YOU TUBBO WHAT THE FUCK?????

**Bee Boy:** three

two

…. oooneeee-

**Bad:** LANGUAGE

**Bee Boy:** There it is :D

**Bad:** Also Tubbo!! Why did you threaten a teacher D:

**Bee Boy:** oh you know :)

**BIG MAN:** the teacher insinuated that I wasn't "good enough" of a partner for "such a smart boy like you, Tubbo"

**Wilby:** what :)

_ What :) _

what teacher.

**BIG MAN:** it doesn't matter dw wilbur

**Wilby:** Tubbo what teacher. :)

**Bee Boy:** I'll dm you :)

**Bad:** Oh. I don't support threatening people but that's a valid reason. Keep it up kiddo!!

Be safe though D:

**Bee Boy:** Dw Bad!! What I have planned for that teacher, he won't know it was me. :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :D

**Bad:** Uh… okay…?

**Pandas:** can I help

**Ranboo:** gooooood morning pogchamps what's up

Oh? Minor vandalism pog?

**Bee Boy:** it's not minor :D

**Ranboo:** WTF EVEN MORE POG COUNT ME IN

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

  
  


**Dreamy:** me when I kill karl ? Asmr

**Pandas:** MANHUNT 2.0

**George:** dream when are we playing manhunt again I want to beat your ass

**Dreamy:** George you want to kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid actually 

**George:** omg… :blush: :blush: how'd you know step dream

**Pandas:** can the homies stop platonically flirting in main :anguished: 

**Dreamy:** no

**Karl:** you won't kill me :]

**Dreamy:** says who, bitch? God? There is no God here.

**Karl:** why are you literally such an edgelord

We get it I didn't get you homophobic chicken for lunch 

Boo hoo bitch

**Bad:** language :anguished:

**Karl:** bad do you want some of my sonic :]

**Dreamy:** WWHAAT THE FUCK?? WHU DONT I GET SONIC

**Karl:** idk you're gay

**Dreamy:** _SO ARE YOU?!?!??!?!?!?!?!_

**Karl:** fake news wtf

**BIG MAN:** I think lesbians deserve everything

**Wilby:** that's literally not related to the conversation toms 

**BIG MAN:** and

**Quack:** no no he's right and he should say it

**BIG MAN:** Thank you Big Q you're my only support system next to Tubbo here

**Wilby:** IM LITERALLY YOUR BROTHER

**BIG MAN:** the absolute only person who cares about me

**Quack:** So true timmy

**BIG MAN:** WHAT THE FUCK??

**Quack:** timbo

no wilbur stop typing ill get it give me a minute 

Theembo

**Wilby:** no that's eret

**Quack:** FUCK

**Bee Boy:** you got this big q!:)

**Quack:** thhanks trunk

**Bee Boy:** :thumbsup:

**Quack:** tim

no

Kevin 

**BIG MAN:** :anguished:

**Quack:** oh yeah right theseus

my bad kid

**BIG MAN:** _ DONT SAY MH FULL ANEM IN CHATA YOU ASHSOLE _

**Ranboo:** hey guys why did I just see fundy with a knife 

**Pandas:** was he walking upstairs 

**Ranboo:** ya

**Pandas:** he's going to threaten either dream or techno

**Ranboo:** oh

Good? For him?.??

**Pandas:** yeah:)

@ _ foxy from fnaf is real and he has a fucking knife  _ whatcha doing funds

**Fundy:** dream said shit about my knife throwing skill

**Pandas:** Ah.

\--

**_Get Ranboo'd_ ** _ & _ **_Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs_ **

_ (Dms) _

  
  


**Get Ranboo'd:** is this how dream flirts

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** ?

**Get Ranboo'd:** check simps server

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** _ holy shit _

**Get Ranboo'd:** SK TRHE

so

Trdh

Tur

Tyre

Fufk

**Get Ranboo'd:** FUCK

tyr 

Turie 

Tui

Truie

PLEASE???

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** HEHSNDJSJEKJD

**Get Ranboo'd:** FUCCK OFF

TRUE

GOD FINALLY

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** this is your peak :]

**Get Ranboo'd:** you and dream are why I'm homophobic 

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** :anguished: :worried: 

**Get Ranboo'd:** lollllz LLLLLLL

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

**Bee Boy:** if anyone hears about a car being set on fire on the news dw! Just me 'boo and sap :D :thumbsup:

**Techie:** HHHHHUH

**Ranboo:** OH YOU'RE TECHNO ARENT YOU

**Wilby - replying to** **_Bee Boy:_ ** good job tubbo! proud of you kid 

**Techie:** OH wait is this about the teacher that fucking. 

**Bee Boy:** Yeah :D

**Techie:** hell yeah kid

**Bee Boy:** :) I am just so wise

**George:** who's coming over for movie night

**Ranboo:** movie night pog???

**George:** you aren't invited 

**Ranboo:** WH.

WHAT DID I DO?? 

I'm crying now

I'm crying so hard what the ffukc

**Bee Boy:** He is D:

>:( your car is next george 

First you're unsettling to look at and now this? You are just so cruel george notfound

**Pandas:** George dude what the fuck

**Ranboo:** ir hurt sto cry geormrge 

Did you knownatHt?

It hurts to cry I'm an enderman and it hurts to cry and I am just so hurt I'm crhring 

**George:** FUCK IM SORRY SHIT UH??

YOU. CAN COME TO MOVIE NIGHT.(????

**Ranboo:** oh pog

What we watching notfound

**George:** . Wh

**Ranboo:** ?¿ well?

**George:** we usually decide at the place

**Karl:** that's dumb let's watch a horror movie :]

**Pandas:** Absolutely NOT

**Karl:** you can hold me during it sapnap :]

**Pandas:** I will now consider a horror movie

Hey George let's watch a horror movie lol what if

**Ranboo:** hey let's watch a Never Ending Story

**Dreamy:** _NO_

**Karl:** ABSOLUTELY NOT

**Dreamy:** ME AND KARL WERE LOCKED IN A ROOM WITH YOU FOR TWO DAYS AFTER THAT 

**Ranboo:** lol

**BIG MAN:** atla.

**George:** ?

**BIG MAN:** We should watch. Atla.

**Ranboo:** BASED

ANY TRUERS????

**Bee Boy:** WOOOO ATLA WOOO YEAA YEA YEA

**Wilby:** atla my beloved 

**Quack:** what the fuck is atla

**Karl:** YOUVE NEBER SEEN ATLA?

**Pandas:** QUACKITY WHATTT

**Pandas:** ok george it is decided . Atla

**George:** I fucking hate you all

"oh the host gets to pick the movie" and you all bully me into a CHILDRENS SHOW?

**Fundy:** You are small because you don't respect Avatar: The Last Airbender. You will not survive the winter.

**George:** :anguished:

**Fundy:** /threat. 

:)

**George:** :bassboostedanguished: 

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

  
  


**Bad:** Me and Skeppy are almost at your place George!! :)

**BIG MAN:** this is just so Poggers

**Bad:** we also brought homemade brownies :)

**BIG MAN:** THIS IS JUST SO POGGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**George:** brownies lowercase or like Brownies … ?¿

**Bad:** huh

Wait.

GEORGE YOU MUFFINHEAD  _ NO _

**Skephalo:** WE DIDNT BRING DRUGS TO A MOVIE NIGHT???

**George:** coward

**BIG MAN:** George NotFound if you had a single Drug you would drop Dead

**Ranboo:** SO TRUEEEE

Tommy you are so wise

**BIG MAN:** I know. :)

**George:** I fucking hate kids 

**Ranboo:** old man

You are so old

You are so old and you don't respect atla

Weak 

Weak old man

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

**George:** IM NOT EVEN THE OLDEST ONE IN CHAT?

**Dreamy:** wtffffff george why didn't you tell me you were so old

**Pandas:** "not even the oldest one in chat" guys he's become so old he has become senile 

**Bee Boy:** Tjis is just so Sad

**BIG MAN:** OLD!!!!! TJAY IS SO WEIRDCHAMP IMAGINE BEING  _ OLD!!! _

**Dreamy:** what the fuck

**Karl:** george did you know there's a cat on your roof

**George:** HUH

**Dreamy:** karl what the FUCK HOW DID YOU GET ON THE ROOF

**Karl:** I do my little dancey dance dabs 

**Dreamy:** jts not 2016 anymore don't fucking  _ dab _

**Karl:** I did

I just dabbed on you so hard

I am the ultimate dabber 

I am about to fall off of the roof amen

**Dreamy:** _ KARL WHAT _

**Quack:** he is just so wise

**Pandas:** I CANT MAKEOUT WITH KARL IF HES DEAD DREAM VATCH HIM

**Fundy:** Gay.

Hm.

/Derogatory.

:)

**Dreamy:** so true :pray:

**Pandas:** DREAM CATCH KARL ?!?!?!?!?!

**George:** WHY. IS THERE A CAT ON MY ROOF

\--

**_Sapnap_ ** _ & _ **_W.Soot_ **

_ (Dms) _

**Sapnap** sent a picture!

**Sapnap:** them

**W.Soot:** why are dream and fundy cuddling

**Sapnap:** don't be rude they're pining

**W.Soot:** when will it end

**Sapnap:** knowing them? Never

**W.Soot:** oh while you're here in my dms sap

**Sapnap:** oh?;)

**W.Soot:** No.

**Sapnap:** :anguished:

**W.Soot:** L

Anyway

The fuck is going on with you and Quackity

**Sapnap:** _oh_

Uh

I don't. Know?

It's confusing 

I likw him

I think

**Sapnap:** but idk 

It probably won't ever go anywhere

**W.Soot:** is that why you're flirting with the new one?

Karl?

**Sapnap:** I talk like that with everyone shut up

**W.Soot:** You really don't 

But ok

I was just wondering.

**Sapnap:** fuck off soot

**W.Soot:** alright asshole

You really don't though

Only with people you're absolutely not interested in (me&george) or people you ARE interested in (quackity and karl) so

**Sapnap:** oh please I'd hit that wilbur dw king

**W.Soot:** I'm closing dms

**Sapnap:** nooooooo pleas wilbur ur so hot :worried: 

**W.Soot:** brb making a song about you rn

**Sapnap:** NOOOOO :worried:

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

  
  


**Pandas** sent a picture!

**Pandas:** wilbur is just so mean to me :brokenheart:

**Wilby:** L

LLL

LLLLLLLLLLLL

**BIG MAN** : big men I feel like I'm obligated to mention that me tubbo and ranboo have left the notfound household

**Wilby:** WHAT

**Pandas:** guys me and wilbur are basically the only ones awake gey WHAT the fufk does that mean

**Bee Boy:** :blush:

Oh you know :)

**Wilby:** _TUBBO I DO NOT KNOW_

**Bee Boy:** well :)

In your own words

L

LL

LLLLLLLLLL

L L L L L

**Wilby:** TUBBO TURN ON YOUR LIFE 360 LOCATION RN

**Pandas:** YOU GUYS USE LIFE 360?

**Bee Boy:** you will cry wilbur 

**Wilby:** DID YOU WALK HOME????

**Ranboo:** if you'd call whatever the fuck this place is as home then sure

**Wilby:** what does that mewn 

**Techie:** hey the colorful hoodie guy is on the roof again 

**Pandas:** FUCK

**Wilby:** RANBOO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN 

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

  
  


**Karl:** why did I wake up in the roof with sapnap

**Ranboo:** ew r u two cuddling 

**Karl:** perhaps

**Ranboo:** ew

**Karl:** loser

**Ranboo:** nerd

**Karl:** bitch

**Ranboo:** :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

No u

**Karl:** choke

**Ranboo:** no U

**Wilby:** RANBOO WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

**Karl:** huh

Ran aren't you in the house 

**Ranboo:** :3

**Karl:** RANBOO

**Bee Boy:** me tommy and 'boo have reached our destination 

**Wilby:** WHICH  _ IS ??? _

**Bee Boy:** Sam's house :D

We wanted sam to meet ran :)

**Wilby** : Oh thank god

Could you not have said that

**Bee Boy:** no :)

**Wilby:** im going. To sleep.

**Karl:** same

**Ranboo:** r u still on the roof

**Karl:** yes

It's comfortable 

**Ranboo:** you're unhinged

**Karl:** :]

**Techie:** why is George in the bathtub.

**Ranboo:** I just remembered we didn't move past episode three of atla

This is so sad

  
**Techie:** WHY IS GEORGE IN THE BATHTUB


	3. "niki my beloved"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Dreamy:**  
>  HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh
> 
> This is hell.

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

  
  


**Dreamy:** why did we do movie night on a monday my head hurts

**George:** there was literally no drinking involved . At all dream.

**Dreamy:** ik you guys just annoy me

Except u obvi georgie *kisses u passionately*

**George:** *doesn't kiss back*

**Dreamy:** :anguished:

**George:** :)

**Dreamy:** no fr what the fuck I'm in so much pain

**Fundy:** Oh, do you need an ibuprofen? I have some in my bag, just tell your third period you need to go to the bathroom and I can give you some.

**Dreamy:** Fr? Shit ty fundy yea the gender neu bathroom next to the stairs?

**Fundy:** That works!

\--

**_George_ ** _ & _ **_Sapnap_ **

_ (Dms) _

**George:** do you think 

**Sapnap:** dream lied about feeling bad? yes

**George:** I was gonna say do you think they'll serve nachos at lunch today,,

fucking fundy and dream shipper

**Sapnap:** oh god oh f :worried:

**George:** no I'm kidding that was gay as fuck I literally hate them

**Sapnap:** ayo *points at fundy* what are you gay for my best friend

**George:** yes.

**Sapnap:** ,,,yeah

Also georgie boy uh

**George:** nope

Not listening to YOUR pining either

Get someone else I deal with dreams enough 

go fucking. talk with wilbur or smthn idk who you're close with

GO YEARN TO DREAM GIVE THE PISSBABY A TASTE OF HIS OWN MEDICINE 

**Sapnap:** george please :worried: :pray:

I canr talk to dream hell make it about himself george pleas

**George:** no. I'm closing discord.

**Sapnap:** GEORGIE :worried: :worried: :worried: :anguished:

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

  
  


**Pandas:** I feel like I've cracked the code

**Bee Boy:** ?

**Pandas:** geroge is a cryptuf 

George. Is a cryptid

**Bee Boy** : what

**Pandas:** NO LISTEN

**Ranboo:** oh?

**George:** You're the bane of my existence.

Literally i hate you so much

I'm not fucking mothman you dumbass

**Pandas:** oh you absolutely aren't mothman what

**Dreamy:** at least mothman has romantic and sexual appeal

You're just 

George

**George:** ugh okay you aren't invited over for homie make out sesh

**Dreamy:** WAIT NOOOO :worried: :worried: :worried:

**Pandas:** no okay listen listen listen

**Ranboo:** reasons George NotFound is a Cryptid

1.He moves in an unnerving way

**Pandas:** HE ALSO LOOKS DIFFERENT IN EVERY PICTURE ?!

**George:** stop bullying me.

**Pandas:** no

**Ranboo:** no

**Dreamy:** No

**Wilby:** no

**George:** YOU ARENT APART OF THIS CONVERSATION WILBUR

**Wilby:** its always bully George hours, George 

**BIG MAN:** George NotFound why did you write My Immortal 

**George:** w.

What

**BIG MAN:** Techno said you wrote My immortal 

Techno would not lie to me, George.

**Pandas:** georgenotfound did everything wrong in the world

**Fundy:** George is why I'm in therapy.

**George:** I 

I'm leaving I'm leaving the gc

**Pandas:** OH ALSO YOUR CAMERA QUALITY IS ALSO SHIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This concludes why George is a crytpif

Cryptdi

Xrydofi

**Dreamy:** how did you fuck it up that bad

**Pandas:** SHUF UP

SHUR

SHRU

AHUT

SHUT UP

crypid

**Dreamy:** take your time

**Pandas:** CRYPTID 

**Dreamy:** incredible 

**Pandas:** I'm so wise

**Dreamy:** :thumbsup:

**BIG MAN:** George you did not answer why you Wrote my Immortal :face_with_raised_eyebrow: :question:

**George:** leaving leaving leaving hate this gc I hate everyone here

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

**Fundy:** @ _ Get Ranboo'd  _

Are you in my English class?

**Ranboo:** oh !

yeah

**Fundy:** . That's a college english class

What the fuck

Arent you a freshman ???????????

**Ranboo:** yeah 

**Fundy:** .

Okay.

Do you need notes for what we were doing today.

**Ranboo:** god please 

**Fundy:** I got you! Hang with me at lunch?

Wait, do you have B lunch?

**Ranboo:** c </3

**Fundy:** Ah, fuck. After school? I can grab us food, too.

**Ranboo:** POG

**Quack:** @ _ Theseus _ kid

toms

tommy

:anguished: why won't he answer 

**Wilby:** maybe he's like

Paying attention to class for once ? 

**Quack:** it's fucking tommy 

reread your message bitch

**Wilby:** . Fair

**Quack:** @ _ Theseus  _

@ _ Theseus  _

_ @Theseus  _

_ @Theseus  _

_ @FeralRam1223 _

**Bee Boy:** huh

**Quack:** I need your other half

**Bee Boy:** ? Why

**Quack:** dw about it trunk

**Bee Boy:** :thumbsdown:

Why.

**Quack:** I need to discuss matters of . things with him 

**Bee Boy:** OH it's about debate isn't it

**Quack:** regretfully 

**Bee Boy:** ok :thumbsup: :smile:

**BIG MAN:** Hello Big Q

What do you need 

**Quack:** why didn't you answer me

**BIG MAN:** I was playing minwvraft with tubbo

**Quack:** ???? How the fuck are you two playing minecraft 

**Bee Boy:** oh :) you know 

**Quack:** . Ok anyway 

I need you to bring fake blood on friday 

**BIG MAN:** Why

Why me

?

**Quack:** listen .

Nobody else trusts me and I've asked so. can you

**BIG MAN:** will I get a Prize

**Quack:** I'll fucking uh

Idk

Buy you lunch

**BIG MAN:** I am craving Chinese. 

**Quack:** god.

can u do it

**BIG MAN** : sure :)

**Quack:** :pray: thank you timby

**Wilby:** why couldn't you just buy and bring your own fake blood quackity 

**Quack:** w

Fuck.

FUCK.

_ @Theseus _ I take it back actually 

**BIG MAN:** No :)

I want chinese , big q.

**Quack:** :anguished: well well well if it isn't the consequences of my own actions :worried:

  
  


\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

**Dreamy:** @ _ Get Ranboo'd  _ where are you bitch

**Ranboo:** ME AND FUNDY COMMITTED CRIMES

**Dreamy:** HHUH

WHAT THE FUCK

I LITERALLY . WHAT THE FUCK

**Ranboo:** you should've introduced me to your other friends ages ago I haven't felt this free in years 

**Dreamy:** YOU. ARE FUCKING INSANE.

WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME THE REASONABLE ONE

ALSO WHY ARE TOU ACTING AS IF YOU DIDNT HAVE FRIENDS BEFORE THIS????

**Ranboo:** because nobody can know the truth that I was a popping off lit radical child before I joined the gc wtf dream

**Karl:** why did you use lit. Why lit

**Ranboo:** because I am lit and kool Karl.

Karl Jacobs

Karl Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs Jacobs

**Karl:** :thumbsup: ok .

**Fundy:** It wasn't  _ that _ bad, Dream. Just a few things. I wouldn't have gotten him in too much trouble, stop worrying, dummy.

**Dreamy:** HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh

This is hell.

**Ranboo:** I love making everyone around me concerned it's so funny 

It was light arson dream cmon calm down

Acting as if Karl hasn't done multiple accounts of arson in the past month

**Karl:** in my defense, 

**Dreamy:** this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell this is hell

**Karl:** _in my defense,_

I get cold easily :[

**Dreamy:** SO YOU SET A SHED ON FIRE LAST WEEK?

**Karl:** oh no that one was because I was bored

**Pandas:** did you all hear that scream from upstairs too or,

wjat

ohh

haha L in chat for dream

L

**Karl:** L :]

**Ranboo:** L

**Fundy:** L

**George:** L

**Bee Boy:** L

**BIG MAN:** L

**Puffy:** L

**Wilby:** L

**Niki:** L

**Wilby:** NIKI WHERE HAVE UOU BEEN YOUVE BEEN ABSENT FOR SO LONG 

NIKI MY BELOVED /p

**Niki:** oh :D you know :)

**Wilby:** :worried:

**Niki:** :)

**Wilby:** :worried:

**Niki:** :smile:

**Wilby:** :worried:

**Niki:** :smile:

**Wilby:** :worried: 

**Niki:** :smile:

**Wilby:** :worried:

**Niki:** :smile:

**Wilby:** :worried: 

**Niki:** :smile:

**Wilby:** :worried:

**Niki:** :smile:

**Wilby:** :worried: 

**Niki:** :smile:

**Wilby:** :worried:

**Niki:** :smile:

**Wilby:** :worried: 

**Niki:** :smile:

**Quack:** so true :pray:

Niki you are just so wise

**Niki:** I know :) ty Quackity 

**Quack:** omg… :pleading_face: :flushed: me when the most iconic best only valid simps member acknowledges my existence :pray: :pray: :pray:

**Niki:** I'm the best?:0

**BIG MAN:** Yes.

**Niki:** :0000000

I will use this power for

Evil >:)

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

  
  


**Wilby:** I think about the first time tubbo and tommy met a lot

**Techie:** I had to drive all four of us to the hospital 

Stop thinking about it don't fucking jinx us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YO,, THIS IS FUCKIN WILD??? I DIDNT EXPECT THIS MUCH LIKE. Attraction to this dumb little fic??? Especially so soon?? fucking . hi all of the comments and kudos so far have made my day you guys are so poggers 
> 
> ALSO HOW WE FEELING AFTER THAT LORE STREAM LAST NIGHT GUYS. HOW WE. HOW WE FEELIN.


	4. "I'm about to say a slur" "notes please"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **George:**   
>  yeah. And I'm sleeping.
> 
> Oh wait
> 
> *kisses you pasionately* mwah mwah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick note! so, in the gcs and such, I'm going to try and keep the nicknames consistent, because I know changing them up can for sure be confusing. however. when it comes to dms and shit, I'm just gonna go wild with names. context clues will hopefully be enough?D: this mostly came from the fact that I could not do a dm session with fundy if I kept his user as "@foxy from fnaf is real and he has a fucking knife" . I couldn't. call me a coward I absolutely deserve it but I could not
> 
> cw: underage drug use! it's only in one bit, the one where Tommy starts with "Hello Gay people" be safe guys !!<3

**_Funds_ ** _ & _ **_W.Soot_ **

_(Dms)_

**Funds:** Fuck.

**W.Soot:** you coping my boy?

**Funds:** I am not "your boy." 

For one.

I am a violent creature of darkness.

I am so scary.

I have never coped or yearned in my life.

**W.Soot:** just so that's clear?

**Funds:** Just so that's clear. :)

**W.Soot:** what do you want 

**Funds:** Agony.

He was wearing my fucking jacket I gave him on movie night. I forgot I even lent it to him. _He was wearing my jacket, Wilbur._

**W.Soot:** you are so down bad I want you dead

**Funds:** HE LOOKED SO GOOD IN IT TOO PLEASE

**W.Soot:** you are Insufferable. 

**Funds:** SHUT UP DIE

**W.Soot:** ok brb

Getting Phil to kill me rn

Oh god he has a knife

Fundy

My boy, my son

**Funds:** not your son

**W.Soot:** I want you to know…

…….

………..

……..

…..

..

**W.Soot:** ….

……

**Funds:** spit it out old man

**W.Soot:** [old man dying voice] your mother was a fish and I will not remember you in the afterlifeeeeeeeeeeeee

[Wilbur Soot was slain by Philza Minecraft]

**Funds:** gamer incel 

**W.Soot:** gay furry

**Funds:** barks at you

**W.Soot:** :worried: gonna go tell Phil that the wild dogs are acting up again

**Funds:** die 

**W.Soot:** wilbur never dies amen so true me

**Funds:** god immortality would be so upsetting if I was stuck with you 

Wilbur. How did you make IMMORTALITY. THE BAD OPTION. 

**W.Soot:** I'm just that cool

**Funds:** I'm closing discord I literally can't trust you as far as i can throw you you lanky bitch I hate you so much

I go oh let me tell my brother about my small crush

**W.Soot:** . Small.

Uh huh

**Funds:** THIS IS WHAT I MEAN IM JUST CONSTANTLY DISRESPECTED

literally fall on concrete 

This. This is why mom left us.

You're the reason

**W.Soot:** JESUS CHRIDTSDJNFKEH

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

  
  


**Puffy:** I FUCKING HATE THE TRIO 

**George:** IM FUCKIBGNDG SOBBONG

**Niki:** HELP HELP HELP

**Pandas:** THE WAY HE JUST COLLAPSESDJD

IDD YOU GET IT ON VIDEO GEORGE

**George:** YEASHDHSHSHSHDGDND

**Dreamy:** IMS SOS SORRY

**Puffy:** I HATE YOU

**Bad:** ????????? :worried:

**George** sent a video!

[The phone is being held by George, the scene is simple, an empty science classroom. Puffy and Dream standing in the middle of the camera, Sapnap and Niki sitting on the desks while chatting.

George calls out a soft _ready to go,_ and Puffy nods, staring at Dream.

"You just need me to snap his neck to the side for a quick shot in your… what, is this for again?"

"History presentation." 

"Right… okay. So just," she gestures to the air, looking at George, making a quick headsnap example with her hands, making a soft _snap!_ with her mouth. To add to the example, of course. George nods, giving Puffy a thumbs up.

Sapnap and Niki turn their attention towards them, their conversation dissipating, as everyone seems to wait for the recording to end with baited breath.

Puffy hums, grabbing Dream's chin, twisting his neck to the side in a quick motion. A loud _snap_ echoing from his body as he goes lax in her hold. She yelps, rushing to help keep him standing. The phone George is holding to record shakes, camera aiming towards the floor now as he rushes over.

Sapnap and Niki are loud, asking questions with concern in their voice.

The camera is aimed up one more time and we see Puffy's panicked face, eyes wide as she holds Dream's limp body.

Then, he jolts back up, eyes snapping open as he looks around. Confusion and concern lacing his features. Puffy let's out another yell as the video is cut off. ]

**Puffy:** FUCK YOU

I WAS SO WORRIED FUCK YOU

**Dreamy:** IM SSO SORRYGRRYH

IM SO SORRY

**Niki:** DREAM WHAT IS IN YOIR NECK

**Pandas:** IT WAS SO LOUD HELP

**BIG MAN:** WBAT THE FUCK

**Bee Boy:** that is Just unsettling

:thumbsdown:

**Niki:** HAVE YOU SEEN A NECK PERSON IN THE PAST 18 YEARS YOUVE BEEN ALIVE???

**Wilby:** chiropractor?

**Niki:** CHIROPRACTOR 

**Dreamy:** SHUT UP

I DONT KNOW IM SO SORRY PUFFYYF

**Puffy:** WHAT THE FUCK

**Karl:** oh you knownwhat they call dream!

Cracky neck dream they call him

**Dreamy:** die

**Karl:** ol creaky limbed jimbo 

**Ranboo:** crunchy. I dislike it

**Dreamy:** fuck you

**Puffy:** _NO SERIOUSLY WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK_

**Fundy:** You are… so fucking concerning, Dream.

_\--_

**_Dream_ ** _ & _ **_George_ **

_(Dms)_

  
  


**Dream:** he won't stop staring at me

Fundy I mean 

fuck do you think he thinks it's weird I'm wearing his jacket ??

hbbbb maybe I should take it off

I don't wanna make him uncomfortable or scare him off idk

**George:** calm down dumbass

I'm sure he's just looking at you

Which he does, yk, a fucking lot

**Dream:** oh fuck off

**George:** im being serious!

Seriously calm down dream

Its fine

If he didn't want you to wear it he wouldn't have given it to you on sunday 

Yes "he gave it to me because it was cold george what if he wants it back but doesn't want to ask an-" he's not a baby. he can ask for his jacket when he wants it back 

**George:** can I go back to sleep now

**Dream:** ??????? It's 6th period???

**George:** yeah. And I'm sleeping.

Oh wait

*kisses you pasionately* mwah mwah

**Dream:** pasionately 

**George:** *spits on you* how dare you disrespect me

**Dream:** *blushes* :flushed: g-george-san :flushed: :flushed:

**George:** *grunts in acknowledgement as I walk pass you, rolling my eyes*

**Dream:** *I squeal, hurriedly turning to sapnap to tell him that the amazing george spit on me*

**George:** hmmm this is the worst bit we've had in a while

**Dream:** no it isn't 

**George:** no it isn't 

Anyway mwah mwah stupid bitch gn

**Dream:** how are you passing your classes

**George:** so true

**Dream:** George you literally have As in everything how 

**George:** :)

**Dream:** :worried:

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

  
  


**BIG MAN:** _@Dream_ why is your nickname Dreamy 

I am not a fan 

You are not dreamy you are quite a bitch actually 

**Dreamy:** when it was me george and sapnap only it was Dreamy Georgie and Sappy but when other people joined they became Bitches and changed it while I was asleep and won't let me change it 

If I change it they just change it back when they see it

**BIG MAN:** that is such an L Moment

Get Fucked

**Pandas:** u have literally no proof you're just weird and want it to be dreamy duh

**George:** exactly wtf stop blaming us for everything tf 

**Pandas:** we're your BEST FRIENDS dream why are we always getting the short stick huh

**Pandas:** fucking pissbaby!!

**George:** honestly!!! I can't stand him

**Pandas:** god me either tbh

**Dreamy:** I am Right here

**Pandas:** he's so weird man idk like wtf?

**George:** Green rlly isn't his color

**Dreamy:** YOU CANT FUCKING SEE COLOR YOU BITCH

**George:** I KNOW ITS UGLY ON YOU!

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

  
  


**BIG MAN:** Hello Gay people 

How are you All today

**George:** Tommy half the chat is straight 

**BIG MAN:** you don't deserve a woman.

**Dreamy** : I'm doing good ty toms

**BIG MAN:** you are Gay ?

**Dreamy:** yes

**BIG MAN:** good fro you big man

**George:** dream are you saying that our makeouts arent completely platonic :anguished: worried:

**Dreamy:** NONONO g-george-san I promise they are :pleading_face:

**George:** *growls at you*

**Dreamy:** owo?

**Pandas** muted **Dreamy** and **George** indefinitely!

**Pandas:** so true me as i should

Take ur weird ass furry rp to the DMS FUCKERS

**BIG MAN:** why are they like this

I do not like them

They are frightening 

They scare me :worried: :thumbsdown:

**Wilby:** so true toms

**Bee Boy:** he is high :thumbsup: :grin:

**Wilby:** WHAT

**Techie:** were having a time Wilbur don't judge me

**Wilby:** TECHNO WHAT THE FUCK

**Techie:** if it makes you feel better

Dad got in on it

**Wilby:** _PHIL WHAT THE FUCK_

**Techie:** tommy is being a baby too I gave him HALF a gummy lmao

**Wilby:** WHAT THE FUCK

**BIG MAN:** wikbur is Angry techno

Why did you do this

You're a bastard

This is why you're a Man

**Bee Boy:** so true big t

**Techie:** the chihuahua is angry at me

Oh whatever will I do

**BIG MAN:** HEY FUCK YOU BITCH

**Wilby:** I hate all three of you

**Bee Boy:** I'm just vibing Wilbur don't be mean to me this is so upsetting

**Ranboo:** wilbur why did you make tubbo upset :worried:

**BIG MAN:** :anguished: :anguished: :anguished:

**Wilby:** GO TO SLEEP IM COMING HOME

**BIG MAN:** Where were You 

**Bee Boy:** schlatts house probably:(

**BIG MAN:** GOD

you and yorur Stupid ram Boyfruend

**Wilby:** we literally are not dating 

**BIG MAN:** oh ? Trouble in Paradise?

Go to couples therapy Bitch

**Wilby:** ME AND SCHLATT HAVE NEVER DATED?

**Techie:** debatable. 

**Wilby:** TECHNO?

**Techie:** I mean tbf idk but it does does a little…

**Fundy:** Right?

**Wilby:** _FUNDY_

**Fundy:** Listen. 

As an unlabeled person, I have to say, it's okay to be scared, Wilbur. 

It's okay to be nervous, scared of labels, and what fits you best. I get it. I'm not exactly the same, but I do understand the pressure in wanting a label that fits. If you're unlabeled, it means you aren't "real enough." If you're unlabeled, it means you're just _confused, and you'll find the right label later._ And for some people, that's true, but it's okay to not be that person. It's okay to just be you, labeled or unlabeled.

None of us here would think any less of you. Even if that isn't your issue! And you just don't know! Maybe Schlatt is the first person you've had feelings for, and it's scary, because you've only liked girls before, and god, the feelings are so big that you just don't know what to do with them.

**Fundy:** I get it. You aren't alone. You're never alone, okay Wilby? Our family would accept you. Your friends would accept you.

You're so strong, dude, but you don't have to do this alone.

**Karl:** what the hhnk

Hey I'm literally crying ? Hey fundy whst theeh honk

**Wilby:** fundy that's. 

That means a lot, in a weird way, but

_ME AND SCHLATT LITERALLY ARENT DATING_

**BIG MAN:** stage one

Denial

Am I right big man _@FeralRam1223_

**Bee Boy:** so true toms!

  
  


\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

**Karl:** society when colorado actually exists 

**Quack:** ?

Thansk in advance 

**Karl:** society when colorado is not a fake state made up by the government 

**Quack:** .

So true

**Dreamy:** stop with the anti CO propaganda 

**Karl:** have You ever met anyone from Colorado?

No

They don't exist 

**Ranboo:** AMEN !!! so true 

**Dreamy:** head in hands when does it end

**Pandas:** no no Karl ur spitting straight facts continue 

**Quack:** so true 

**George:** fucking simps

**Pandas:** ??? I'm supporting the homie fuck off

**Karl:** TY QUACKITY TY SAPNAP ONLY BITCHES I CAN TRUST!!!

**BIG MAN:** why does TTTYLXOX go Hard?

**Karl:** the. the one by bella thorne?

**BIG MAN:** No the one by Your Mother .

Yes the one by Bella Thorne

**Karl:** :worried:

**Dreamy:** TRUEE

  
  


\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

**Dreamy:** _@Get Ranboo'd_ stop trying to do the renegade I'm trying to sleep 

**Karl:** oh my god is he doing it again

Ranboo you can't renegade

**Ranboo:** FUCK YOU YES I CAN

**Karl:** YOU CANT . YOU LITERALLY CANT

**Ranboo:** YES I CAN YES I FUCKING CAN

**Karl:** why are you two yelling

ITS 1AM ON A SCHOOL NIGHT SHUT THE FUCK UPPP

wait this isn't our trio gc lord

**Pandas:** ranboo why r u doing tiktok dances

**Ranboo:** because I'm cool 

**Pandas:** god so true go off :pray:

**Ranboo:** thank you snapshot 

**George:** babe wake up new Sapnap nickname just dropped

**Dreamy:** I'm literally already awake

**George:** I was talking to my other sidechicks dream

**Dreamy:** WTF

WHO ELSE R U FUCKING WTFFFFF WTFWTF

**George:** dw about that 

**Dreamy:** WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**BIG MAN:** _@Get Ranboo'd_

Drop the renegade video ranboo.

Do it

Now

I am waiting Ranboo

**Ranboo:** :worried: 

**BIG MAN:** Drop the video. Ranboo.

**Ranboo:** :worried: :worried: :worried:

**BIG MAN:** Now .

**Ranboo** sent a video!

**BIG MAN:** big man

Big man.

Ranboo

**Ranboo:** yes

**BIG MAN:** what the fuck is that

**Ranboo:** it's my renegade

:)

**BIG MAN:** what the fuck 

No its not

What the fuck 

**Ranboo:** it is it is

**BIG MAN:** You are a monster 

**Ranboo:** okay

**Karl:** HOW IS IT WORSE THEN WHAT YOU DID IRL.

**Ranboo:** DONT WORRY ABOUT IT HOODIE BOY

**Karl:** H

HOODIE BOY?

what the honk 

**Ranboo:** it's a term of endearment 

**Karl:** its a term of being a little honker

**Ranboo:** this is just so offensive 

**Niki:** I think you did great :)

**Ranboo:** niki I will kill a man for you

Niki do you want dream dead

I can kill him rn

It won't be a big deal I can kill him rn

**Niki** : …. >:)

**Dreamy:** :anguished: niki . :anguished:

**Niki:** you did take my muffins earlier during breakfast 

**Dreamy:** NIKI :anguished:

**Niki** : _ >:) _

\--

**_Get Ranboo'd_ ** _ & _ **_FeralRam1223_ **

_(Dms)_

  
  


**Get Ranboo'd** sent a picture!

[The angle is fuzzy, but it seems to be a picture of Technoblade, sitting on his roof, playing on a Nintendo Switch.]

**Get Ranboo'd:** what the fuck? thanks in advance 

**FeralRam1223:** my family concerns me! :grin:

**Get Ranboo'd:** so true carry on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theoretically . how does one . make a minecraft twt account. what do I Do 😟
> 
> also I know it should be vaguely obvious from the tags but there isn't gonna be any dnf here🙏🙏💔 I base their friendship off of some of mine as an arospec bitch. call it projection idc but sometimes you do just wanna platonically makeout with the homies and it IS platonic
> 
> I felt like I should clarify here so nobody got their hopes up ? from their interactions . nah sorry gamers
> 
> anyway did I write sbi+tubbo+fundy -wilbur getting high. yes. is this because I'm slightly buzzed rn. yes. Its funny to me amen I'm just vibing. if this chapter sucks simply blame sorta high notes okay


	5. 123movies my beloved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Dreamy:**   
>  HE FUCKING LIED!??@,#
> 
> HE TOLD ME HE WAS GOING OT DAB??
> 
> **BIG MAN:**  
>  Well.
> 
> Sounds like a you problem Pissbaby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!!! mentions of blood (/vague?gore maybe?) in the first part of the chapter!!!! be careful everyone!:[<3

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

**BIG MAN:** watching big q purposefully slam his head into a desk and fake blood spurt out of his beanie is a very bonding filled moment I think

**George:** HUH.

**Niki:** I left to go to the bathroom

For three minutes 

D:

**BIG MAN:** everything is Fine Niki :thumbsup:

**Niki:** I am extremely concerned! Thank you Tommy! 

**BIG MAN:** :)

**George:** NO I NEED CONTEXT WHAT

**BIG MAN:** I thought I was Very clear thank you George

**George:** IS QUACKITY OKAY?

**BIG MAN:** Yes George like I said he used Fake blood he is not bleeding that is not how it works

Wait

No

Okay he is also bleeding bleeding 

**Techie:** what the fuck did I come online to

**BIG MAN:** I am now taking big q to the nurse 

**Techie:** ?!?@?!??....@.?@??!

**BIG MAN:** oh that is so much real blood 

**Pandas:** HUH

IS HE OKAY???

**BIG MAN:** he is

oh

oh no

uh oh

**Niki:** TOMS??

**BIG MAN:** Big Q has collapsed

**Niki:** _TOMMY?_

**Karl:** HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH ????

**Pandas:** WHAT

**BIG MAN:** on a Serious note can someone come help he is very heavy we are upstairs on the second floor next to the broken bathroom 

**Pandas:** coming rn dw tommy

**Karl:** ^^^^^^!!

**BIG MAN** : ty big men :thumbsup: :thumbsup: 

**Bee Boy:** HWTA TEHF FUCK

!??@???????????

TOTMY CONTEXT WHAT HAPPWND

**BIG MAN:** I'm not sure big man

**Bee Boy:** god you're so concerning. 

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

**Pandas:** quackity is okay 

**Karl:** he hit a corner of the desk :[

**Niki:** IM STILL CONFUSED ON WJAT HAPPENED?????????

**Wilby:** yes hello what. .

**Karl:** we don't know what the context is:[[[[</3

**Wilby:** i 

okay,

**Dreamy:** did he do a dab first 

_@Theseus_ did he do a dab first

before he fucking 

hit his head did he

tommy please

tommy 

**Dreamy:** _@Theseus_

_@Theseus_

_@Theseus_

_@Theseus_

_@Theseus_

_@Theseus_

**Dreamy:** TOMMY ;#@*^÷?!?! PLEASE

DID HE DO A DAB TOMMY

_@Theseus_

**George:** !?#??!?????????

**Dreamy:** TOMS 

_@Theseus_

_@Theseus_

_@Theseus_

_@Theseus_

_@Theseus_

**George:** ASTOP TAGGING HIM DREAM

**Dreamy:** SIS EH DEAD ?!?

_@Theseus_

_@Theseus_ timmy oleade did he dab

 _@Theseus_ i need to know pelade 

_@Theseus_

_@Theseus_

**Dreamy:** :worried:

**BIG MAN** : WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT.

**Dreamy:** Did he do a dab before he fucking hit his head answer the question 

**BIG MAN:** _NO????_

WHO THE FUCK DABS

WHAT SORT OF MAN DABS

THATS BEEN DEAD FOR YEARS 

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON DREAM

**Karl:** I dab :[

**BIG MAN:** you aren't a man?

**Karl:** HUH?

**BIG MAN:** what

**Karl:** _ELABORATE ???????_

**BIG MAN:** no

**Dreamy:** HE FUCKING LIED!??@,#

HE TOLD ME HE WAS GOING OT DAB??

**BIG MAN:** Well.

Sounds like a you problem Pissbaby

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

**Pandas:** Its so funny to get george angry

like objectively in the original definition of the word he is not a twink. he will never be one. he's straight he literally can't be one BUT!

he gets so fucking heated when me or dream call him one

Literally peak. Literally peak

**Dreamy:** where did this come from

you're right 

but what the fuck

**Pandas:** I called george a twink in dms

**Dreamy:** incredible 

**Pandas:** truly! I am just so wise

**Dreamy:** oh so true so true 

**George:** both of you rot in hell

I want to see you burn

**Pandas:** twink

**George:** IM LITERALLY NOT ONE

**Dreamy:** why r u so defensive huh

Hmmm ,???

R u homophobic .

**Pandas:** :worried: :worried: :worried: GEORGE ?

**Dreamy:** you are aren't you :worried:

this is horrible. this is just terrible. I thought I could trust you :worried:

**George:** oh my god

**Dreamy:** consider our platonic homie kissing sessions CANCELED

**George:** stares at u blankly 

**Pandas:** that's what you always do george 

**George:** imngoing to get you.

**Pandas:** eh heh

**George:** you are so upsetting to me I hate you so much I hate you so fucking much inhatw this server I hate everyone in here 

I wish I never met half of you all you do is stress me out and cause me pain 

I have to deal with fucking YEARNING IN MY DMS BECAUSE OF YOU

**Dreamy:** who the fuck is yearning in ur dms 

**George:** god

**Dreamy:** omg

Tell them I said hi

**George:** no

**Dreamy:** you are so mean to me

\--

**_Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs_ ** _ & _ **_Dream_ **

_(Dms)_

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** issue

**Dream:** ?

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** oh my god so much of an issue dream 

Hbjhjbnb

**Dream:** ????

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** what would you say,

**Dream:** uh oh.

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** if I said. .

**Dream:** UH OH?

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** I found . sapnap. hot ?

or not hot no but he's

funny

and kind and he's very pretty and his eyes are so nice to look at and . yeah.

**Dream:** YOURE DOWN BAD FOR _SAPNAP?_

and no yeah idc dude fucking go for my best friend go wild I don't mind

but _SAPNAP??????_

HIM?????????? ??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!!!!

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** hhhhhim and quackity. yeah

**Dream:** _AND QUACKITY ???????????? KARL_

KARL GET BETTER TASTE IM BEGGING YOU

IM ON MY KNEES KARL

HEAD IN HANDS PLEASE

WHY THEEMMMMM

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** JHSKHD 

you're not like

mad?

I don't want to overstep anything because they're friends of yours and I know sapnap is a close friend and I'm your brother and I just 

idk!!

**Dream:** Karl. 

Karl.

Sapnap absolutely needs to get laid please be the one who does it

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** DREAM

**Dream:** HE NEEDS TO GET LAID

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** _NOT WITH ME!!!!!!_

**Dream:** I DONT FUCKINV KNOW DO A POLY RELATIONSHIP BITCH IDC !!!!!!!

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** YOURE UNHINGED 

**Dream:** TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** SHUT UP??????

**Dream:** WHATS ANOTHER POLY JOKE

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** IM GOING TO HUNT YOU FOR SPORT.

**Dream:** TWO BIRDS ONE STONE BABEY

THE STONE IS YOUR HEART

YOU ARE TRAPPING THE BIRDS WHCIJ ARE THE BOYS WIGH YOUR HEART

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** SOCIETY WHEN I KILL YOU.

**Dream:** GO GET YOUR BOYS

YOUR HORRIBLE HORRIBLE BOYS

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** SHUT UP SHUT UP I HATE YOU WHEN WILL YOU DIE

**Dream:** DREAMWASTAKEN NEVER DIESSSSS

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** stop taking slogans

dream identity theft era

**Dream:** no

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** yes

**Dream:** how did u even fall for THEM 

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** avoiding the question 

**Dream:** SO R U ?@?@?

what

Did u fucking

Fall for them when quackity got a concussion today 

from trying to scare the other team 

huh

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** THATS WHY HE DID IT ??????

**Dream:** .

DUH ?!?#?$,×*>=*×#, WHY DID YOU THINK 

_DID YOU THINK HE CONCUSSED HIMSELF FOR FUN?_

AND YOURE STILL DOWN THIS BAD !??!

KARL .

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** I DIDNT KNOW SHUT UP SHUT UP

**Dream:** you fucking 

helped sapnap drag quackity to the nurse

what did u and him brush hands

omg… did u and him :flushed: :flushed: MAKE EYE CONTACT????

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** honk off honk you shut your entire ddhsjrhjefh shut

**Dream:** so true omg

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** _SHUT_

I'm leaving discord why did I even tell you this

**Dream:** bc ur my brother and u love me ,

?

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** no.

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

  
  


**Karl:** "can we watch bill and ted" "no" "why not" "YOU TELEPORTED _THREE DIFFERENT TOWNS OVER THE FIRST TIME YOU WATCHED IT_ " "I've grown!!! I can control it now!!" "no you can't" "no i can't"

**Ranboo:** I MEAN

I DONT FORGET ANYTHING ANYMORE 

**Karl:** anymore

**Ranboo:** yes.

and besides bill and ted is a good movie

**Dreamy:** I cannot make it any clearer that you literally _forgot who you were_ and were _three towns away_ and _you were 8_

**Ranboo:** not the worst birthday I've had tbh

**Ranboo:** to be honk

**Karl:** . Huh

**Dreamy:** I MEAN ME TOO BUT STILL ?@?

**Ranboo:** tbh. to be honk.

wth. what the honk

**Karl:** no

**Ranboo:** I DO THESE THINGS _FOR YOU,_

Anyway dream just fufjjgrjrh

Let me watch Bill and Ted.

**Dreamy:** no

**Ranboo:** I can just. illegally watch it rn.

**Dreamy:** no

**Ranboo:** omg… 

Omg I am opening 123movies rn……..

**Dreamy:** stop 

**Ranboo:** omg… I am typing. … intto the search bar……

omg… bill and teds excellent adventure…… my beloved…..

**Dreamy:** I'm gonna cancel your data plan

**Ranboo:** no u aren't 

Omg …. I am hitting play………

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

  
  


**Ranboo:** i am in the next town over can someone pick me up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so! due to things with fundy atm, I am going to be not including him in future chapters until he responds to what happened, and depending on how that goes I will decide on if I want to keep his character in here at all. 
> 
> I don't expect a great apology, but I do want to see if he's even vaguely remorseful. as a victim of SA what he made jokes of was just. fucking tasteless to put it lightly, and being a grown ass man, he. knew. better. 
> 
> anyway! on a lighter note! 
> 
> I realized in one of these fucking chapters I mentioned tommy and tubbo playing minecraft despite. the universe just being modern mc. so simply imagine that minecraft is the equivalent to the sims or smthn
> 
> hope you all enjoyed the chapter!<3


	6. "you have a caffeine addiction" "you're addicted to being a little bitch"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Theseus:**  
>  ??
> 
> .
> 
> Oh
> 
> OH
> 
> OH MY GOD?

**_The GAYS and their Emotional Support Homophobe_ **

_ (3 members) _

**DreamXD:** _@Lost In The Abyss_ i had a dream we switched eyes so you coukd see

**Token Cishet:** HUH.

**DreamXD:** yea

**Token Cishet:** I need you to fuckinh elaborate rn

**DreamXD:** you couldn't see so I got a witch to swap our eyes and I could only see in black and white

**Sapnap:** why did u let her steal ur eyes bro wtf wtf wyf

Did you get them back

**DreamXD:** no

**Sapnap:** that's so sad oh my god

**Token Cishet:** L

**Sapnap:** you're a monster.

**Token Cishet:** L.

L.

L

LLLLL

LL

L

**Token Cishet:** L

LLLLLLLL

L

L

**DreamXD:** you are so unbelievably cruel to me

**Token Cishet** : :)

**DreamXD:** :thumbsdown:

**Sapnap:** I had a dream where I got to show you guys the nether :)

**Token Cishet:** aww

**DreamXD:** oh that's sweet what 

Where's the catch sapnap

**Sapnap:** I pushed you guys in the lava :)

**DreamXD:** theeere it is

No my dream was fucked up u were like

Upset u were colorblind and I was like omg

gotta help my bf omg

**Token Cishet:** WERE WE FUCKING DATING IN YOUR DREAM.

**DreamXD:** yes

**Token Cishet:** WHY DO YOU WANT TO GET INTO MY PANTS SO FUCKING BAD

**DreamXD:** I LITERALLY DONT I DO NOT THAT CONCEPT HAUNTS ME ID RATHER DIE

like respectfully

**Sapnap:** "If I kissed you I'd end it all rn" "... like respectfully tho bro yk"

**DreamXD:** yes

Anyway

So i was like omg gotta help him so I found this witch and she was like :smirk: I can help you… and I was like BET SO TRUE BESTIE

so she gave me a soup

**Sapnap:** w

Why soup

**Token Cishet:** what kind of soup 

**Sapnap:** actually yea what kind of soup

**DreamXD:** I DONT REMEMBER ?

**Sapnap:** why not.

**DreamXD:** I hate you

I ate the soup and my vision went fuzzy at first but it was fine so i was like ????

She was like dw :) it'll happen after you rest and I was like POGGH tomorrow George can See… Colors …..

So I went back to our house and slept and when I woke up my vision was in black and white 

I was freaked until u started screaming about colors and I was like oh. This is what she meant

**Token Cishet:** the drama of it all

**Sapnap:** omgg netflix original when

**Token Cishet:** no. hallmark original 

**Sapnap:** YOURE RIGHT THIS READS LIKE A FUCKED UP CHRISTMAS MOVIE

**Token Cishet:** YEAH

**DreamXD:** IM TELLING A STORY PAY ATTENTION ASSHOLES

And so I don't say anything 

**Token Cishet:** ?!?$*@($&@(#,

**DreamXD:** and I'm like aha… so true bestie… colors and shit… yea… yea that hoodies green looks so good on u yea…. 

Ok I'm bored anyway long story short u found out george and u tried to reverse it and it made it stick permanently 

**Sapnap:** LMAO L

imagine not being able to see all colors 

**DreamXD:** right?

**Token Cishet:** :|

**DreamXD:** homophobes don't get color rights ?

**Token Cishet:** IM NOT HOMOPHOBIC 

**DreamXD:** r u . Like. Ok r u sure

**Token Cishet:** bites you

**DreamXD:** *flushes* h..hot

**Sapnap:** no

Absolutely not no

Take this shit to dms

TAKE IT TO DMS RN.

GEORGE STOP TYPING.

**Token Cishet:** oh yeah? you like that you little gay boy?

**Sapnap:** THAT FELT LIKE A SLUR 

**DreamXD:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**Token Cishet:** HAHAJSJJDNAHD

**DreamXD:** THAT WAS A FUCKING SLUR YOU IUSY CALLED ME A SLRU

**Token Cishet:** don't make me bring out the fruit /derogatory 

**Sapnap:** breeder /derogatory 

**Token Cishet:** everything I want to say rn could very easily be used against me

**DreamXD:** once again guys it's not what homophobia does against you it's what you can make homophobia do for you 

In this case that is canceling you 

**Token Cishet:** I'm too cool to be canceled

**Sapnap:** no

**DreamXD:** no

**Token Cishet:** i hate it here

**Sapnap:** breeder.

:thumbsdown:

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

  
  


**Karl:** its always

Oh Karl you have a monster problem 

you need to stop drinking energy drinks Karl

Karl please stop drinking all of this

Oh karl you have a caffeine addiction 

maybe

**Karl:** have you considered 

you have an addiction to being a little Bitch?

Hm?

I rest my case

**Ranboo:** I ASKED YOU TO DRINK WATER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A WEEK.

**Karl:** SAYS THE BOY WHO CANT DRINK WATER AT ALL

**Ranboo:** SHUT THE FUCK UP ITS DIFFERENT?!?!

**Karl:** is it? Is it really

**Ranboo:** .

YES ?

IM AN ENDERMAN????

**Karl:** okay and

**Ranboo:** PLESE

**Karl:** :] anyway have you guys had monster milk

**Dreamy:** NO

**Ranboo:** _NO_

WE ARSNR BRINGING THAT HERE

**Karl:** we are.

**Dreamy:** NOOONONO

PLWASE NOT AGAIN NOT AGAIN PLEASE ? PLEASE 

**Karl:** yes

**Puffy:** monster milk?

**Dreamy:** PUFFY PLEASE

**Karl:** :]!

Okay so

You need two things

Well. Three

First thing is a monster energy of your choice,

Second is the milk of your choice 

**Puffy:** . Uh oh

**Karl:** And third is

not being a fucking coward 

**Ranboo:** ITS NOT GOOD

**Karl:** it slaps

I drink it weekly

**Dreamy:** you do NOT

**Karl:** says who

**Dreamy:** GOD.

**Karl:** well

they'll have to tell me that to my face

and I haven't met them while time traveling yet so

sucks for them lol

**Dreamy:** you're mentally ill?

**Karl:** I literally drink monster every day what do you think the answer to that is dream

**Puffy:** I sort of want to try monster milk

**Dreamy:** PUFFY

**Puffy:** I'm curious duckling calm down 

**Dreamy:** :worried: :worried: :worried:

**Karl:** :] try it. 

do it.:]

**Puffy:** you are

So much more threatening then I thought you were 

**Karl:** its called acting dumb so people underestimate you

**Bee Boy:** it really works!

**Karl:** right!!

**Puffy:** making it now I guess

oh god what

what the fuck 

why is the milk separating 

**Karl:** YEAA IT DOES THAT DW just mix it together again 

**Puffy:** i 

. okay.

**Puffy** sent a video!

[ The camera is set on her counter, a red solo cup in her hand. She sniffs the cup, a grimace crossing her features.

"If this kills me," she says to the phone, "I leave Niki and Dream with everything I own."

Then, after a moment,

"... And Tommy. He can have whatever he wants too."

She downs the cup, a combination of emotions visibly flashing as she processes the drink.

"What the fuck." ]

**Karl:** yeah:] yeah so true 

**Puffy:** I DONT KNKW HOW TI FEEL

IT WASNT ? BAD?

IT WASNT GOOD

BUT IT WASNT LIKE. BAD???

**Niki:** PUFFY :anguished:

**Puffy:** I DONT . KNOW HOW TO FEEL KARL

**Karl:** that's just how monster milk is yeah

\--

**_Big Q_ ** _ & _ **_Theseus_ ** __

_ (Dms) _

  
  


**Big Q:** tommy

**Theseus:** ?

**Big Q:** I'm so fucked 

**Theseus:** ??????????

**Big Q:** I'm down bad for two people 

**Theseus** : .

No

Go talk to literally anyone else absolutely not

**Big Q:** tommy PLEASE

**Theseus:** no no nope no

Go talk to sapnap about it

or?? Karl

You two have gotten close

**Big Q:** I can't talk to them

**Theseus:** _????????_

**Big Q:** .,

**Theseus:** ??

.

Oh

OH

OH MY GOD?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay!!hihellohi!!  
> first off, hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!  
> now. uh. the fundy thing p2.  
> See, I think his apology was well done. Or, at least, better then most. He owned up to what he did and I do hope he learns from this, as I want to believe he has. However,  
> I'm not saying everyone has to forgive him. Hell, I'm not certain I fully do, at least not right now. Considering that, I'll be... making a mini poll? I guess? If you think I should keep him in this little fic, or not. I don't mind either way, I just want to make as many people as comfortable as possible. 
> 
> big hugs <3
> 
> (ps: I've had monster milk. it's good. I will not elaborate.)


	7. "unrealize that. Rn."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **George:**   
>  I've come to the conclusion that I'd fuck a planet yeah

**_Big Q_ ** _ & _ **_Theseus_ **

_ (Dms) _

**Theseus:** YOU LIKE THEM?

**Big Q:** .

**Theseus:** NO. NO YOU LIKE THEM??????

**Big Q:** WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY TOMMY YOU KNOW THE ANSWER 

**Theseus:** I want you to lose your ego for a moment as I humble you by making you admit to having actual human feelings that are not just "I'm so cool LMAO" and "IM SO COOL LMAO BUT THIS ONE IS FUELED BY INTENSE MENTAL ILLNESS AND STRESS" 

**Big Q:** what. the fuck 

**Theseus:** I'm waiting 

**Big Q:** fine you asshole  _ yes _

I like sapnap and I? Think I like Karl yeah

I knew of him before he was added and he's always been. Really fucking pretty but getting to know him is completely different and we seem to be like ??? Friends ? And its nice.

**Theseus:** god you are down bad

**Big Q:** fuck off

**Theseus:** you literally choose to dm me out of EVERYONE 

**Big Q:** WHO WAS I MEANT TO GO TO

**Theseus:** you were meant to die with your weird ass simp shit you bitch 

**Big Q:** GOD

**Theseus:** but like 

big man

what do you want me to say

if you're asking if I think they like you back well 

I can't really speak for karl really but like. sapnap has been simping for ages big q 

**Big Q:** literally fuck off he has not

**Theseus:** YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE HE LITERALLY HAS

just fucking ask him out and see

if he says no you can play it off as a joke

it'll work because that's what you guys joke about anyway 

I'm not giving anymore advice I'm going to go listen to wilbur bitch about tuning his guitar 

**Big Q:** you're a motherfucker, theseus innit

**Theseus:** NOT MY FULL FUCKING NAME?

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

**Niki:** _@W.Soot_ stop 

Wil. 

Stop this

**Wilby:** party rockers in the house tonight 

**Niki:** STOP PLAYING ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS 

**Wilby:** no I don't think I will. 

party rockers in the hooouse tonight

**Techie:** again wil?  _ Again? _

**Niki:** _AGAIN?_

**Wilby:** the soundtrack fucks 

**Niki:** It absolutely does NOT?

**Wilby:** you're a coward and a fool

**Niki:** wilbur. The alvin and the chipmunks soundtrack is not good. 

**Wilby:** Niki 

you are wrong

signed, wilbur

**Niki:** I hate you

**Wilby:** I would be sad but you don't appreciate alvinand the chipmunks SO. good riddance 

**Niki:** WIL

>:0

**Ranboo:** I hate to interrupt but no I don't anyway what . What

What is happening 

**Niki:** wilbur is blasting the alvin and the chipmunks soundtrack while I'm trying to have a NICE, NORMAL CONVERSATION WITH HIM

**Wilby:** I cannot hear you over how single these ladies are Niki

Niki they are simply so single

**Niki:** you make me feel rage incomprehensible by humans wilbur.

**Wilby:** that is what I aim to do at all times :)

**Niki:** why are you like this who hurt you 

**Wilby:** Im being raised by philza minecraft 

**Niki:** . FAIR ENOUGH 

still 

everything you do makes me want to lose my mind and one day I will snap and this is a threat. this is a threat wilbur.

**Wilby:** :worried: :worried: :worried:

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

  
  


**Ranboo:** "is that Mario? holy fuck sir are you okay wait no sir please back away I was just asking no no sir I'm okay I don't need a one up oh god oh no sir please step back oh god oh fuck sir please don't put in your airpods you won't be able to hear me oh god he did it he can't hear me oh fuck wait what the fuck is that peach and bowser making out? mario is that your wife and your ex making out? oh god he can't hear me he has airpods in shit fuck oh god are they coming near me oh god fuck this bartender? Bartender can you call me a cab? Just under Toad please thank you oh uh . Mario you're back are you okay? O. oh peach just asked you for a divorce? oh I'm sorry sir but I'm leaving. n. no I can't take you with me I'm very busy tonight I have a date you see oh goodness sir you seem sick, do you need me to call you a cab? Bartender! Yes, bartender sir, sorry, but could you call another cab? Just under mario, thank you. Oh - mario sir uh - what - oh god you. you have a kid with peach? oh that's heartbreaking I'm so sorry I'm sure you're worried about who is going to get custody, huh? no worries sir, you got this!- w. What? wait. neither of you want custody? 

well that's just mean the kid didn't do anything sir it's just a kid doing their thing and besides you're meant to love and cherish your kids you know - oh you don't care. um. okay sir well let's think about this peach might be joking! W- mario-  _ mario - … _ …. Mario… no… I think… [ahem] I think I should go outside. yes you read the signs wrong!!I never insinuated I wanted to kiss you! not everything is about YOU mario. I try to be a good friend but I'm so tired. it's this every single week.

… goodbye mario. "

_ -@Dream  _

**Pandas:** what the fuck .

**Dreamy:** I said what I said

**Pandas:** Why.

**Dreamy:** yeah 

**Karl:** . What

**Dreamy:** me and ranboos dms have been this for 6 days

**Karl:** why are you doing mario roleplay in ranboos dms

**Dreamy:** why not

**Pandas:** so true

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

  
  


**George:** I've come to the conclusion that I'd fuck a planet yeah

**Big Q:** unrealize that. Rn

**Pandas:** what the fuck 

**George:** Listen 

Have you seen Venus?

**Dreamy:** :worried:

**George:** global warming? more like global dickdown 

**Dreamy:** :worried: WHSF

**Karl:** horrible! terrible! why would you say this!

**George:** I thought the people would appreciate my knowledge 

**Karl:** WHO. ARE THE PEOPLE 

**George:** oh you know :)

**Karl:** GEORGE. WHO ARE THE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO KNOW YOU WANT TO FUCK A PLANET

  
  


\--

**_The GAYS and their Emotional Support Homophobe_ **

_ (3 members) _

  
  


**Sapnap:** hey guys fun thing

**DreamXD:** ?

**Token Cishet:** what did you get detention or smthn 

**Sapnap:** I think quackity asked me. on a date ?

**DreamXD:** WHAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> literally last time I will be mentioning the fundy thing amen but the public is seemingly in favor of keeping him here! if anyone is uncomfortable with that I'm terribly sorry :( but as of next chapter he will be a consistent character again!:) pog champ anyway time to pass out for 13 hours gn mcyt nation enjoy whatever the fuck this chapter is. that mario speech is something I have genuinely said btw. I cannot give context I don't remember it 🙏


	8. this is extremely unhinged I'm so sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Bee Boy:**   
>  I'm so angry I'm so fucking angry I am infuriated I've never been so fucking pissed in my life I'm so angry I'm so fucking angry I'm raging I'm 
> 
> I'm a a cycle path I'm fucking rabid I'm mad dog

**_Victimized by Philza Minecraft club_ **

_ (5 members) _

**Toms:** hello my darling brothers

**Funds:** Fuck do you want, loud ass.

**Toms:** FUCK YOU

**Wilby:** never call me darling or your brother again what the fuck 

**Toms:** we're. Literally brothers by blood

**Wilby:** okay and

**Toms:** .

Wilbur. 

**Wilby:** what.

**Toms:** . Ok. Anyway

who was going to tell me I don't have a fucking. . Birth certificate 

**Wilby:** im sorry what 

_ What _

**Toms:** I DONT HAVE A BIRTH CERTIFICATE?

I was like oh haha dad what's my birth time because niki wanted to read my zodiac chart

and he just fucking goes

"not sure! you don't have a birth certificate, I think you were born around 12am?"

**Funds:** i 

oh my god do any of us have one

**Techno:** I do :)

**Wilby:** YOU'RE HIS FAVORITE TECHNO IT DOESN'T COUNT

**Techno:** :)

**Wilby:** is it sad to say I'm not surprised 

**Tubbo:** yes

**Wilby:** :worried:

**Toms:** this is so much to process father why

**Tubbo:** father dearest doesn't think you deserve to exist ig

**Toms:** PLEASE STOP CALLING HIM FATHER DEAREST.

**Tubbo:** no I don't think I will 

I have one too :)

**Toms:** YOU WERE ADOPTED FUCK OFF

**Wilby:** _TOMMY_

**Tubbo:** THAT DOESNT MEAN SHIT HALF OF US HE JUST GRABBED OFF THE STREETS

**Funds:** Why is it always the animal hybrids. Philza. Why.

**Tubbo:** he's trying to make a zoo out of children 

**Wilby:** never say that again please

**Tubbo:** He's trying to make a zoo out of children, Wilbur. 

I mean it makes sense

pig hybrid, fox hybrid, ram, then you and tommy are both bird hybrids

**Techno:** piglin*

**Tubbo:** :|

Anyway .

Father dearest is attempting to collect every animal ig

I didn't know he was religious 

noahs arc looking ass

**Toms:** I'm going to tell him that

**Funds:** Oh lord.

**Tubbo:** oh do keep me updated on what father dearest says

**Techno:** "Tommy what - what the fuck are you on about" "Who's going to be next, dad? Are you slowly going to just take in everyone from our friend group. Is Ranboo next, dad. Are you going to steal him from his family." 

**Tubbo:** new sibling ranboo pog

**Wilby:** please god no

**Tubbo:** why are you the fucking worst

**Wilby:** im the middle child and phil does not care about me

**Toms:** kin

**Wilby:** HWTA TEH FFUK

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

**Wilby:** NO KIN SHIT

DO NOT KIN ME NEVER SSY KIN AGAIN THESEUS DANGER MINECRAFT DO YOU HEAR ME

NEVER AGAIN

**Toms:** HSBAMDB WILBUR ???

**Funds:** Kinning has been outlawed in the family gc… omg…

**Wilby:** KINNING IS TGE DEVILS WORSHIP

**Toms:** NONE OF US ARE RELIGIOUS 

**Wilby:** I AM WHEN ITS AGAINST KINNING FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

**Techno:** The fuck, Wilbur, you in schlatt kinshift or something?

**Wilby:** _TECHNOBLADE_

I WILL GET YOU

I WILL FUCKING GET YOU

**Funds:** schlatt was acting shockingly calm earlier 

maybe he was in wilbur kinshift

call that kindating

**Wilby:** _I WILL GET YOU_

**Funds:** uh huh

As you have said.

**Wilby:** @*÷(@(#*@*,$,#*÷&$&#(×*$,#?$&÷>÷9$&$#,÷&=<÷[÷*÷,÷?÷÷(=>÷*÷?,÷,@?÷*$#,#,"?÷(×[÷[=*#,$

**Tubbo:** brother dearest seems to be having a breakdown 

**Toms:** he is just so concerning tubbo 

**Tubbo:** he is! he is big man you are so right

**Wilby:** I am filled with rage that cannot be compared

**Toms:** philza minecraft looks at him and goes yes this is a stable 18yo

he is not

**Wilby:** IM PERFECTLY STABLE 

**Funds:** Are you.

**Wilby:** YES .

**Techno:** :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

Are you

**Tubbo:** philza minecraft thinks we're all mentally stable he tries his best but he is not self aware

**Toms:** fair enough fair enough 

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

**Karl:** sometimes when life gives you lemons you make lemonade :]

**Dreamy:** w.

What

**Karl:** :]

**Dreamy:** karl what the fuck did you do

**Karl:** society gave me two options dream

go to a test I didn't study for

or

**Dreamy:** karl this is growing increasingly concerning

**Karl:** _or_

eat watermelon an hour before

**Dreamy:** _KARL._

YOU'RE ALLERGIC?.????

**Karl:** :]

**Pandas:** KARL?????.

**Karl:** god didn't let me have watermelon because they knew I'd be too powerful 

sucks for them but I don't care about their little "rules" they set in place for me

**Dreamy:** KARL .

**Karl:** yes dream 

**Dreamy:** WHERE THR FUCK ARE YOU

**Karl:** no

**Dreamy:** KARL PLEASE ?!?

**Karl:** I'm just hanging out

I'm jusy vibing

new thing for people with allergies totry just simply say no

**Techno:** this is very good advice 

**Wilby:** techno if you try and get stung by a bee istg

**Techno:** listen wilbur . maybe i just have to show the bee dominance 

**Bee Boy:** don't be like dad techno don't fuck the bee

**Techno:** H.

**Pandas:** I'm. Ignoring that .

karl are you okay this is very concerning 

**Karl:** the librarian may not fear freshmen but she  _ will _ fear  _ me. _

**Ranboo:** karl.

karl what are you going to do to her

**Karl:** I walked into the library. sat down. took open my book to study 

went hmm this is hard :worried:

thought about how i had the test next period 

went no<3

so I brought out my lunch bag and took out my watermelon 

**Ranboo:** WHY DID YOU JUST .  _ HAVE _ WATERMELON. YOURE ALLERGIC?

DID YOU FUCKINH PREPARE FOR THIS???????????

**Karl:** so I took out my watermelon 

me and her are making eye contact 

I ask her if she wants any 

she says no 

I go okay :)

and her eyes widen as I start eating

**Ranboo:** KARL PLEASE ANSWER MY QUESTION WHERE DID THE WATERMELON COME FROM

**Karl:** "wait jacobs aren't you allergic-" I have already eaten four pieces 

**Dreamy:** KARL 

**Karl:** I'm in the nurse dw :]

but did I get out of my test ??? yes.

**Niki:** WAS IT WORTH RISKING YOUR WELL BEING?????????

**Karl:** listen in my defense it's a  _ really  _ hard test

**Ranboo:** _KARL_

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

  
  


**Puffy:** Just so everyone is aware tubbo is having a bit of a breakdown atm

**Wilby:** ?????

**Bee Boy:** I'm so angry I'm so fucking angry I am infuriated I've never been so fucking pissed in my life I'm so angry I'm so fucking angry I'm raging I'm 

I'm a a cycle path I'm fucking rabid I'm mad dog

there is a line there is a fucking LINE and ots been crossed its been crossed so fast so fucking fast everhday I wake up and go oh is today the day I snap and it hasn't been before it never is because I'm a good kid I do my little things I'm a GOOD KID I'm just fucking HANGONG OUT I cause a bit of chaos sure but I'm a good friend I'm fun to be around is that NOT FUCKING ENOUGH. DID I HAVE TO SEE THAT FUCKING TIKTOK, PUFFY? HAVE I NOT REPAID FOR MY SINS

**Puffy:** I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY TUBBO 

**Bee Boy:** DID YOU? OR DID YOU SEND ME A VIDEO OF CHEERIOS AND  _ EVERY SINGLE FUCKING KNOCK OFF BECAUSE YOU KMEW IT OWULD MAKE ME SPIRAL  _

**Puffy:** PLEASE WHY WOULD I DO THAT

**Bee Boy:** _I DON'T KNOW PUFFY. I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS WHY IM ASKING_

IM LITERALLY SHAKING IM VLING RABID IMNGOING TO START BAKRING

WHY ATE THERE SO MANY FUCKING OFF BRANDS WHYW WHY WHY GOD WHY 

THIS IS GOING TO MAKE ME SNAP I WANT TO FUCKIBG DRINK EVERU SINGLE CHEMICAL IN MY BIOLOGY LAB RN AND I WILL I FUCKING WILL

NEVER SEND ME ANYTHING CEERWAL RELATEF AGAIN PUFFY I'LL GET YOU ILL FUCKONG GET YOU I WIKL ILL DO IT I WILL

I'm making a presentation on why cheerios are ethe devil

**Pandas:** TUBBO?

**Bee Boy:** CHANGING MY FUCKING USER FRROM BEE BOY TO #1 CHEERIO  _ HATER _

WHY DO THEY EDIST WHY WHY WHY WHY

here's the fucking presentation I don't care here it is fuck you

Presentation by Tubbo Fuck Cherrios Ufnerscore 

**Puffy:** he's still shaking in anger

**Bee Boy:** first off

Look at them.

Little disgusting fucking circle pieces of shit oh you want tasty cereal for a morning snack?  _ no. _ YOU GET THE DEVILS FUCKING TREAT OF LITTLE CIRCLES THAT ARE DRY AS FUCK QND THEY CRUMBLE AND TASTE LIKE THAT. EHY DO THEY TADTE LIKE WHEAT.

**Puffy:** have you ever eaten wheat 

**Bee Boy:** _NOT THE TIME PUFFJAMIN_

**BIG MAN:** oh god not again

**Pandas:** AGAIN?

**BIG MAN:** phil once brought cheerios home for tubbo

how do you think we found this out 

**Bee Boy:** AND THETES SO MANY FUCKING FLAVORS

22 FFUCKING FLAVORS PLUS THE DISCONTINUEF ONES  _ PLUS _ THE OENS SRILL PROBABLY BEING MADE BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THIS SHITHOLENOF A CERERAL DESERVES TO DIE IT WONT IT WONT FUCKING DIE WHY WONT IT DIE

AND YOU WANT WORSE FACTS? HERES SOME STUPUD FUCKING FACTS ABOUT THE WORST CEREAL ON FUCKING ESARH

FIRST OFF

IT WAS ORIGINALLY FUCKING NAMED CHEERIOATS. WHAT KIND OF FUCKONG NAME OS THAT EJAT THE FUCK THATS SO FUCKING STUPID UGLIEST NAME FUCOING EGER FOR YHE WORST CEREAL EVER

OHHH IM GONNA MAKE TERRIBKE CEREAL RIME TO GIVE IT A WORSE NAME  _ NO FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU _

**Bee Boy:** THEY WERE MADE BACK IN 1941. THEYRR LIKE 70 SOMETHING YEARS OLD. OLD FUCKING PIEFE OF SHIT

THEYRE THE #1 FUCKING CEREAL HERE. IVE SAIF ENOYGH FUCK THIS NATION FUCK THIS ANTION

THEYRE JUST SO STUPIF OUT OF EVERYTHING YOU GO FOR THIS? FOR THIS? SPECIAL K IS BETTER THEN THIS

**Fundy:** This is the most worked up I've seen him in months.

**Bee Boy:** _DONT SAY HIK IN THRIRD PERSON AS IF IM NOT IN THE FUCKING CONVERSATION SAY YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYES ANF SAY HEY TUBBO THIS IS THE MOST WORKED UP IVE SEEN YOU IN MONTHS_

**Fundy:** Well.

Now I'm scared to do that.

**Bee Boy:** SUCKS TO FUCKING SUCK I GUESS 

**Dreamy:** why did i come back to like 29389284 messages

WHAT TEHNFCUK TUBBO

**Bee Boy:** I don't like cheerios .

**Dreamy:** . OKAY .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone tell me how I forgot to say happy aro awareness week I'm literally arospec💔 anyway happy aro awareness week pogchamps take this stupid little chapter I do my little dancey dance I also meant to post this yesterday but I passed the fuck out at 5pm amen here you go
> 
> I also took inspiration for the cheerio rant from a tiktok thread I saw so . if u see this. . hello.
> 
> ok good day pogchamps see u next chapter I want to say tomorrow but I am not promising that🙏


	9. coughs into mic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **DreamXD:**   
>  what the fuck fruity
> 
> I'm happy for you too
> 
> **Sapnap:**  
>  I know you are loser
> 
> **DreamXD:**  
>  I'll call you a slur rn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would you believe me if I said I meant to post this days ago. would you also believe me if I said I didn't because I kept saying "no its too late to post it now" as if i ever created a schedule for myself with this fic. anyway. take a 3k long chapter as a gift for me being dumb with me little adhd brain

**_Memory Loss Trio_ **

_(3 members)_

  
  


**TwitchTv:** every day I'm forced to do my little jig as if god itself looked at me and goes go jester go

god goes go little time boy go

looks at me and goes karrrrl it's 4pmmm time for your nightly time travel and I go pleas no inbetween I'm so tired I would like to take a nap and yearn perhaps? 

and the inbetween goes NO

you're going to when this hell town was FOUNDED

the inbetween goes you're going to watch this town blow up three times over

**TwitchTv:** and I go aaaha inbetween cmonnn

and it goes no karl no you're going to watch as people who look far too familiar for your liking _blow up a nation 50494 times over_

and I go :worried:

**Middle Child:** are you okay

**TwitchTv:** I AM VERY DISORIENTED ON A HONKING THURSDAY AFTERNOON DREAMS

WHAT DO YOU THINK

**Middle:** is this why you weren't at school after lunch

**TwitchTv:** yes

**Boba:** L

**TwitchTv:** I'm going to eat all of your soup.

**Boba:** NOOO THATS MY SAFE FOOD YOU ASSHOLE

**TwitchTv:** slurp.

**Boba:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**TwitchTv:** this is what you get

**Boba:** YOU ARE A CRUEL OLDER SIBLING

**Middle Child:** HES THE FUCKING MIDDLE CHILD

**Boba:** huh?

your name says otherwise dream

**TwitchTv:** yeah wdym

**Middle Child:** DIE. I'M GOING TO KILL YOU

**TwitchTv:** why because we called you out ??¿¿¿

**Middle Child:** YOURE THE MIDDLE CHILD

**TwitchTv:** WE DONT KNOW THAT 

**Middle Child:** YES WE DO UES WE FUCKING DO

**TwitchTv:** no <3

**Boba:** yea no karl is my oldest brother dream

**Middle Child:** NO HE ISMT

**Bobw:** yes

**Middle Child:** AAAAAAAAA

**TwitchTv:** Anyway this time I saw .

Actually no wait

Dream ranboo just called me an older sibling !?? No matter our debate that would be correct !???!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!? :worried:

**Boba:** the middle child age is getting to him 

**TwitchTv:** he's gone senile 

**Boba:** he needs to be put in a home smh

**TwitchTv:** Prison .

**Boba:** wh

what ?

**TwitchTv:** he needs to be put in prison 

**Middle Child:** go take a nap you're always out of it when you get back

**TwitchTv:** no I wanna say what I saw first ANYWAY okay so this one was weird

because usually I _don't_ impact the world or like

I'm a spectator yk

**Boba:** yeees 

**TwitchTv:** I was a spectator this time too but it was really weird

because I wasn't attached to the dude I'm usually attached to 

**Boba:** the one that looks like you?

**TwitchTv:** yea

I was attached to the one that looks like Dream 

**Middle Child:** :worried:

not that bitch again :worried: :worried: :worried:

**TwitchTv:** YEAH it was really depressing actually 

he was just sat in this weird block place

alone just fucking sitting there

**Middle Child:** I WAS IN PRISON ?!

**TwitchTv:** yes

**Middle Child:** :worried:

**TwitchTv:** I was just standing there for hours

he was just looking at a clock

he was just looking

he'd be like ":)pretty:)"

it was wild

that's all that happened yeah I'm tapping out after I finish 'boos soup

**TwitchTv:** OH YEAH THERE WAS A CAT TOO?? wild

**Boba:** YOU ACTUALLY STARTED EATING IT ARE YOU KIDDING ME

**TwitchTv:** it's what you get

**Boba:** YOURE BUYING ME MORE SOUP ISTG

**TwitchTv:** no<3

**Boba:** BWRKS AT YOU

**TwitchTv:** i thought you were an enderman not a dogboy :worried:

**Middle Child:** wtf wtf wtf I thought I was the only weird hybrid mashup WTFWTFWTFF

**TwitchTv:** okay sheep cat boy

**Boba:** s

**Middle Child:** donf fucjing say it

you've made the joke too many times don't fucking say it

**Boba:** shatboy 

**Middle Child:** I literally hate you so much 

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

**Wilby** sent a video!

**Niki:** wil

wil. 

Wil.

**Wilby:** hello Niki my beloved what is the issue :)

**Niki:** wil why is there a turkey in your house

**Wilby:** oh you know

**Niki:** _i do not wilbur that is the issue_

**Wilby:** oh :) you know:)

**BIG MAN:** WHST THE FUCK WHY DID YOU FEED IT MY OATMEAL

**Wilby:** its not an "it" Tommy it's a girl and her name is 

_@The Blade_ what is her name again

**Techie:** phil named her samsung 

**Wilby:** okay

hate that but okay

anyway

 _@Theseus_ she isn't an "it" tommy she is a girl and her name is samsung

and we fed her your oatmeal because she was hungry 

Be nice she's our new sister

**BIG MAN:** WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK

**Bee Boy:** I was JOKING WHEN I SAID WED GET A NEW SIBLING SOON I WAS JOKING IT WAS A JOKE

**Wilby:** :) she's so sweet

**Niki:** :worried: :worried: :worried:

**Fundy:** Why did he name the turkey after his dead wife.

**Dreamy:** HUH.

**Pandas:** _HUH_

**Skephalo:** with what I know about philza. yeah checks out

**Bee Boy:** ARW YOU SAHING MY FATHER IS GOING TO FUCK THE TURKEY SKEPPY.

**Skephalo:** WHAT

NO

NO THATS NOT

NO

**Bee Boy:** WHAT THE FUCK SKEPPY

**Techie:** why is your name skephalo

**Fundy:** I wish there was a limp wrist emoji.

**Techie:** lmao yeah checks out

**Skephalo:** _NO_.

I THOUGHT THE NAME WAS FUNNY SHUT UP

**Fundy:** Limp. Wrist. Emoji.

**Skephalo:** SHUT UP FURRY !?

**Fundy:** No. I don't think I will.

**Bee Boy:** CAN WE GET BACK TO THE GAVT THAT SKEPPY SAID HE THINKS MY FATHER IS GOIBG TO FUCK A TURKEY

**Skephalo:** _THATS NOT WHAT I SAID_

**George:** the real question is if it would be shocking

**Bee Boy:** Count your days, you bitch

 _Count. Them._

\--

**_The GAYS and their Emotional Support Homophobe_ **

_(3 members)_

**DreamXD:** _@Sapnap_

_@Sapnap_

_@Sapnap_

_@Sapnap_

This bitch :/

**Token Cishet:** huh

**DreamXD:** he fucking 

makes me help him get ready for his gay ass little date

and then does not tell me how it went

**Token Cishet:** stop? Being nosy?

**DreamXD:** absolutely not?

**Sapnap:** ITS BEEN TWO BOURS FUCK OFF

**DreamXD:** SAPNAP HI

ARE YOU ATULL ON THE DATE 

what happened

**Sapnap:** IM INN THE BATHROOM YOIRE SO ANNOYING

**DreamXD:** im aware it's the adhd

**Sapnap:** * makes my life a living hell * sorry bestie it was the neurodivergence!

**DreamXD:** yes! Exactly

**Sapnap:** Anyway yes I'm still on the date

**DreamXD:** fuck are you two doing its been two hours

**Sapnap:** we just got back from the diner ? we're watching a movie

Or we're about to

**DreamXD:** what movie 

what movie huh huh huh tell me pspspsppspspspsp

**Sapnap:** I'm not telling you

**DreamXD:** WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

**Token Cishet:** what movie sap

**Sapnap:** :) I'll dm you

**DreamXD:** HWTA THE FUCK!!!!!

this is so fuciing rude I've done so much for you

I'm your best friend and this is what I get ? This ?? Huh ?????? You're a bitch you're a bitch sapnap you're a cruel monster

chnahe the chat name to one gay and two homophobes

**Sapnap:** take your fucking adderall 

**DreamXD:** .

oh my god my adderall

**Sapnap:** LORD

**DreamXD:** SHUT UP

**Token Cishet:** how's the date gayboy

**Sapnap:** still feels like a slur thank you breeder 

anyway it's going. really nice yea

**Token Cishet:** aw

happy for you dude fr

**DreamXD:** what the fuck fruity

I'm happy for you too

**Sapnap:** I know you are loser

**DreamXD:** I'll call you a slur rn

**Sapnap:** do it do it you pussy

ah shit gotta go see you fbdhfnfj

FUCK I TRIPED

**DreamXD:** DUMBASS OM LITERALLY WHAT ARE YOU NOT STILL IN THE BATHROOM 

**Sapnap** : I DONT KNOW AIR I GUESS

**DreamXD:** FUCKING LLLLL WHDNDJF

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

**Sam:** I'm tired of being accused of being Mortal.

Like, oh, I'm sorry, have _yo_ u seen me die yet? _No?_ then fuck off!

you don't know I'm mortal NEITHER DO I 

I have not died ONCE. nothing has been proven yet. stop making assumptions its rude

**Dreamy:** so true sam

**Sam:** don't talk to me

**Dreamy:** of course Sam of course my bad

**Sam:** you were the one making the assumption . Stop 

**Dreamy:** yes I'm sorry sam 

**Sam:** you are mortal 

painfully so

you will leave this world as pitiful as you entered it

alone and begging for the warmth that is leaving you

weak.

you're so weak.

**Dreamy:** i 

**BIG MAN:** SO true SO TRUE!!! you're so wise Sam 

**Sam:** thank you Tommy! :) how are you?

**BIG MAN:** I'm good big man!

**Pandas:** _@Dream_ LLLL

L

LLL

cold blooded sam 

**Sam:** he deserves only the worst

**Pandas:** SO TRUE??! BANGER

**Dreamy:** why do you literally hate me

**Pandas:** you're gay

**Dreamy:** WWS,,WHAT THE FUCKK,,,,,,

\--

**_Victimized by Philza Minecraft club_ **

_(5 members)_

  
  


**Toms:** _@FeralRam1223_ where is jenkins 

**Tubbo:** ?

Is he not in his cage

**Toms:** no

**Tubbo:** HES NOT?

WHWRE IS HE

**Toms:** I FIGURED YOU KNEW

**Tubbo:** NO!! IVE BEEN OUT WITH RANBOO

**Toms:** YOURE ALWAYS OUT WITH RANBOO

**Tubbo:** NOT THE TIME FOR THE JEALOUSY ARC TOMMY WHERES JENKINS

**Toms:** I DONT KNOW!!!

**Wilby:** j

jenkins?

THE FERRET?

ITS STILL ALIVE?@??@????????????

**Tubbo:** are you calling me and tommy bad parents 

**Wilby:** HOW DID I NOT KNOW IT WAS STILL ALIVE 

**Toms:** SHES ONLY 7

**Wilby:** WHAT TEH FCUK

**Techno:** I THOUGHT I KILLED HER ??

**Tubbo:** that was her brother and you didn't kill him

**Techno:** _IVE FELT GUILTY FOR YEARS FOR NOTHING?_

**Wilby:** _YOU GOT TWO???????????????_

**Toms:** yes?? That was daisy 

Wilbur what the fuck.

**Tubbo:** ngl this is making me realize how bad of siblings they are

**Toms:** right??

**Funds:** Oh. Jenkins? They're in my room.

I think Daisy is with Phil, she was bugging him earlier.

**Tubbo:** YOUR THE ONLY SIBLING I CAN TRUST FOX MAN DONT KILL JENKINS PLEASE

**Funds:** Why would I kill,

Okay.

**Toms:** idk fox instincts

**Funds:** How deep do you think those instincts… go???

**Toms:** yeah :)

**Funds** : Do you try and eat fucking??? Mice??? Worms??????

**Toms:** no??????

**Tubbo:** that's weird why would tommy do that

**Funds:** HES A BIRD?

**Toms:** all I have is wings :/

**Funds:** ALL I HAVE IS EARS AND A TAIL?

**Tubbo:** and your eyes and your teeth :)

**Toms:** ok I'm coming to get jenkins

**Funds:** Lord.

**Wilby:** NO . NO WHAT THE FUCK .

FUNDY YOU KNEW THEY WERE STILL ALIVE ????????

**Funds:** … Yes? Duh?

Wilbur. What the fuck. Are you okay. They're both always around the house.

Tubbo usually has them around his horns???

**Tubbo:** little slinkies:) they like to swing on them

**Wilby:** I

I need a minute 

**Tubbo:** you're a horrible brother!! :D

**Techno:** I'm still in fucking shock

**Tubbo:** this is very funny why did neither of you know 

how!!

We have them all the time!!

**Toms:** Jenkins and Daisy are now in their cages :thumbsup: 

**Tubbo:** good good how the fuck did they get out 

**Toms:** phil

**Tubbo:** BASTARD BIRD MAN STRIKES AGAIN!!!! ADD IT TO THE PILE!!! IM TIRED OF THIS!!!!!!!

WHEN WILL IT END!!!!!!!!!!

\--

**_Cool Kids Like Very Cool Only The Best (Tje Boys) (you misspelled "the") (shut up Ranboo you are Tall and therefore have no opinion) (I'm shorter then both of you-tubbo) (can we stop adding to this) (no) (no) (fuck) (The Gamer Squad)_ **

_(3 members)_

  
  


**Rain** sent a video!

**Rain:** us

**Tommy:** yes

we are The Boys so true Ranboo

**Rain:** coming soon on a DVD near you

**Tubbo:** coming soon to a demon clown in your closet who supports tourism near you

**Rain:** NOT TOURISM

ITS RIPPING OUR COUNTRY APART!!!

**Tubbo:** why do you think the clown is a demon Ranboo 

Hm?

You fool.

**Rain:** oh god oh fuck it's coming for me

**Tommy:** pennywise 

**Tubbo:** I'm goibgn to kill pennywise myself for its horrible supportmanship of Tourism

**Rain:** omg … he's the world's lgbt icon tho ? that's so rude

**Tubbo:** IT AND THE BABABOOBOO PISSBABY MAN ARE NOT DATING RANBOO. SHUT YOUR MOUTH. IM SICK OF YOU.

**Tommy:** breakup arc?

**Rain:** tommy stop saying arc in front of every word arc?

ALSO YES THEY ARE THEYRE IN LOVE FUCK YOU

**Tommy:** me when I don't arc?

**Rain:** me when I kill you arc?

**Tommy:** you wish you could arc

**Rain:** I will arc

**Tubbo:** CAN WE GET TO THE ARC WHERE YOU BOTH SHUT THE FUCK UP

ANYWAY YOU WANT AN LGBT ICON FOR A CLOWN RANBOO? GO FOR YOUR BROTHER

**Rain:** HELP !?,$×[![,

**Tommy:** GOD

**Rain:** tubbo which one

**Tubbo:** yes

**Rain:** :worried:

Wa

Wait

Wait a minute wait back up

I didn't tell you that. . :worried:

**Tubbo:** ranboo it is so painfully obvious 

ranboo I added you to my life360 you literally live there it's so painfully obvious 

**Tommy:** I'm sorry (no I'm not LLL) BUT IT REALLY IS

**Rain:** i 

fair enough neither me or karl tried to hide it

**Tubbo:** you really did not it is a shame

**Rain:** does . Everyone else. 

**Tubbo:** know?

**Tommy:** mostly yes

**Rain** : LORD

uh ok for a serious note just like

let? dream have this? Until he's comfortable mentioning it himself yeah 

**Tubbo:** oh of course big man! I figured there was a reason and that's why I never said anything 

**Rain:** okay cool cool cool

Anyway

**Tommy:** list of things that gets tubbo heated

-pennywise

-cheerios

**Tubbo:** FUCK CHEERIOS!!!!!

**Tommy:** \- fruit gummies

**Rain:** FRUIT GUMMIES??

**Tommy:** I see the error in my message now

**Tubbo:** THEYRE SO STUPID

horrible little things they get stuck in my teeth and make me go Oh Oh God This Is Just Terrible Just Horrible! 

I brush my teeth but I always remember one day I will find the man who made them and kill him

**Tommy:** tubbo why r u assuming a MAN made them? Kinda weirdchamp

**Rain:** unpog tubbo moment?

**Tubbo:** only a man could make something as horrible as them.

**Tommy:** TRUEEEE

**Rain:** that's such a tommy sentence dear lord 

**Tommy:** wow ranboo it's almost as if

me and tubbo are siblings 

And live together 

Hm?

Almost like it

Fucking idiot

**Rain:** FUCK OFF??

**Tommy:** I live to infuriate Ranboo I cannot do that

**Rain:** GOD.

\--

**_Minecraft-Blade-Soot-Innit-Underscore-oh god fundy doesn't have an original last name that's so sad (why is this our family gc name)_ **

_(6 members)_

  
  


**Tommy:** Hello my horrible, horrible family.

Where did the demon turkey go.

**Wilbur:** ?? Wdym

**Dad:** ?

Is Samsung gone from the pen outside?

**Tommy:** would I be saying this if she wasn't, father?

**Dad:** fair enough problem child fair enough 

**Tommy:** I am not a child 

I am a man

I am a strong man I am so cool and awesome and not a child 

**Tubbo:** young :) youngest sibling so small so tiny

**Tommy:** IM GOIBG TO GET YOU

**Wilbur:** WHERE IS SAMSUNG?

**Tubbo:** this is like with jenkins and daisy but I deeply hope the turkey is not found

**Wilbur:** FFFUCK YOU

\--

**_The GAYS and their Emotional Support Homophobe_ **

_(3 members)_

**Sapnap:** so! Update!

**Token Cishet:** it is 11pm

**Sapnap:** So . ! Update. ! 

**DreamXD:** !?

**Sapnap:** we r going on more dates :thumbsup:

**DreamXD:** THATS BORING

**Sapnap:** FUCK OFF???

**DreamXD:** WHERES THE DRAMA WHERES THE WE KISSED BEFORE I LEFT WHAT THR FUCK

**Sapnap:** oh I didn't leave I'm sleeping over at his place 

**DreamXD:** FRUITY…?

**Sapnap:** no not really it was just more convenient 

**DreamXD:** GOD

r u guys sleeping in the same bed

**Sapnap:** no

**DreamXD:** same ROOM??!?

**Sapnap:** no

**DreamXD:** :worried:

**Sapnap:** MY LIFE IS NOT YOUR WEIRD FANFICTION DREAM

**DreamXD:** why not :/

**Sapnap:** you're so annoying the adderall obviously did not work today

**DreamXD:** :) hyperverbal babeyyyyyyy I've been bouncing off the walls all day nobody can stop me not even god

**Sapnap:** why not:/

**DreamXD:** fuck you 

**Sapnap:** literally never

**DreamXD:** WHAT THE FUCK,,, what does quackity have that I don't 

**Sapnap:** a good ass

a good personality 

not mentally ill

Well.

not as mentally ill

**DreamXD:** fuck I can't live up to those standards 

**Sapnap:** L 

LLLL

L

**Token Cishet:** cutting in to say

I am proud of you sapnap! I'm glad you're happy, I know it's not like

"We're dating!" But this is also probably the safer option, just to see how you both feel in a romantic sense

And I know you've been pining for a while so. yeah. Proud of you

**DreamXD:** ^^^^^

I'm clowning but I am happy for you dude :thumbsup:

**Sapnap:** god finally some appreciation in this hellhole

**DreamXD:** no

**DreamXD** started a **group call**!

**Group call** ended!

**Sapnap:** DID YOU CALL JJST TO CALL ME A BITCH AND THEN HANG UP

h

hey wajt

**DreamXD:** yes 

??

**Sapnap:** what the fuck

why is there a turkey outside

**DreamXD:** !??!?!@??@?#?@?@÷

**Token Cishet:** HUH

**Sapnap** sent 2 pictures!

[It's… it's a fucking turkey, what are you expecting. It's a turkey, standing in the middle of a driveway. Staring directly into the camera. The picture seems to be taken from an open window. The turkeys eyes glow with the flash from the phone.]

[The second picture is almost exactly the same, but, if you look closely at the turkey, you can see one of her legs is picked up, almost as if she is walking. Or, perhaps, running. 

But that's probably nothing.]

**DreamXD:** HELLO???????????????$,#×[&=

IS THAT THE TURKEY WILBUR SENT A VIDEO OF EARLIER

**Sapnap:** I DONT KNOW

**Token Cishet:** THATS SO THREATENING WHAT

**DreamXD:** glowing eyes… demon turkey 

**Token Cishet:** demon turkey my beloved

**DreamXD:** im marrying demon turkey

**Token Cishet:** no? I am

**DreamXD:** what the fuck we can't both marry demon turkey

**Sapnap:** yes you can dumbass just be poly

**DreamXD:** FUCK . YOURE RIGHT ??

**Sapnap:** I'm always right bitch

wiat

wh

what is the turkey 

what is the turkey doing 

**DreamXD:**?

**Token Cishet:** coming to make you join an mlm scheme 

**DreamXD:** GAY SCHEME?? TURKEY SHE/HER GAY???

**Sapnap:** DH UHD OH

OHHDO

OHNGOD

ITS COMJNF

**Token Cishet:** SAPNAP?

**DreamXD:** YJE SHE/HER GAY TURKEY?@?$,@>

**Sapnap:** THE WJNFOW IS JAMMED AND ITS RUNNING 

SEND HELEP

SEND HEELP

LLEASE

**DreamXD:** OH MY GOD??

**Token Cishet:** DID I MANIFEST THIS ...

**Sapnap:** THOS ISNR FUNNY

KGS SO CLOSE J CANT SHUT THE EINDOW

KH GDOD

FCUKX

**Token Cishet:** SAP?

**Sapnap:** ITSS SIN GHE WINDOW ITS CLIMVING

**DreamXD:** STOP TYPING LEAVE THE ROOM?

**Sapnap:** I AM NOW LOCKED IN THE BATHROOM

**DreamXD:** SAPNAP !??@,#?@,#?@

**Sapnap:** I AM FUCKING HORRIFED

**DreamXD:** KM CRYRING

**Sapnap:** I AM FUCKONH _HORRIFED_

OH HOD

**DreamXD:** !?#??@÷* WHAT NOW

**Sapnap:** IT . OTS TRYING TO GET IN

**DreamXD:** WHY DOES THIS TURKEY WANT YOU FUCKING DEAD?????????

**Token Cishet:** it's homophobic. 

it knows you're gay

she's coming for your gay little feet sapnap

**Sapnap:** THE TURKEY HAS A FOOT FETISH?@#

**Token Cishet:** HSNSMDHAKJD SHE WANTS FOOT PICS FOR FREE SAPNAP

**DreamXD:** ARWNT YOU STILL AT QUACKITYS PLACE

CALL HIM?? WAKE HIM UP???

**Sapnap:** I don't wanna bother him?

**DreamXD:** THERES A RABID TURKEY TRYING TO FUCKING KILL YOU ?!?#,$(@*

tbf she is using a good amount of girl power rn

**Sapnap:** she's very much giving me girlboss energy you're so right

**DreamXD:** I know I know 

that makes you the malewife

**Sapnap:** anything for her*

*she/her gay mlm scheming turkey 

**DreamXD:** framing that on my wall

**Token Cishet:** PLEASE CALL QUACKITY ANX GET THE RABID TURKEY SITUATION HANDLED WE HAVE A PRESENTATION TOMORROW AND I CANT ACT SAPNAP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want clout so umm here's my twt amen 
> 
> https://twitter.com/EyeMug?s=09
> 
> a . also.  
> so. tommys stream. how are we coping guys.


	10. I feel like half of this chapter will just instantly kill you I'm so sorry (no I'm really not)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Fundy**  
>  sent a video!
> 
> [ It's a short, shaky video of Charlie Slimecicle, decked out in Sonic gear. Mitski is playing loudly from the car speakers. As Charlie looks into the car, he seems taken aback to see Karl and Fundy, mouthing the words  _ what the fuck?? _ However, due to the volume of Nobody by Mitski, it's unknown if he verbally said it or not. ]
> 
> **Karl:** Society when charlie tugjfjrjfh slime is yorurr fuckong sonic waiter

**_The GAYS and their Emotional Support Homophobe_ **

_ (3 members) _

**DreamXD:** what the ffyj

I got up from my chair in 2nd and why were my legs WET.

HOW DID I NOT NOTICE .

thank god I'm wearing black sweats rn but HELLO?

**Token Cishet:** it

it was.

it was your.

I can't say it

**DreamXD:** no no

say it

**Sapnap:** say it george 

**DreamXD:** mr notfound

**Sapnap:** george404

**DreamXD:** Aha! A Coding Reference , I Spotted That Because I Am Cool And A Coder As Well. ;)

**Sapnap:** no

**DreamXD:** fuck you

**Sapnap:** no

Anyway say it George

**Token Cishet:** you don't want me to

**DreamXD:** say it pussy

Bitch boy

**Sapnap:** breeder

**DreamXD:** breeder /derogatory 

**Sapnap:** breeder /slur

Say it say it say it say it say it

**Token Cishet:** fine dear god

you two are so annoying what the fuck it's literally not that funny

**Sapnap:** tommy voice POGGGCHAMMPPP

**DreamXD:** WOOO

**Token Cishet:** it was your omegan slick.

**DreamXD:** .

oh.

**Sapnap:** w.

….

SO THATS THE VIBE FOR TODAY?

THATS HOW WE'RE STARTING TGE DAY 

AFYER I WAS ALMOST KILLED LAST NIGHT BY A RABJD TURNKEY

_ WE'RE STARTING THE DAY WITH OMEGAVERSE RP? _

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

**DreamXD:** uts too early for thdids 

**Token Cishet:** YOU ASKED ME TO SAY IT

**DreamXD:** YOU SHOULD HAVE LIED! EVER THINK OF THAT??????? HUH? YOU SHOULD HAVE LIED

SHOULD HAVE WENT HAHA! PISS BOY!

**Token Cishet:** YOUD PRWFER PISS BOY!?$?×*×*÷?×

**DreamXD:** _IN THIS SITUATION???????_

_ YES _

**Sapnap:** I'm leaving I'm literally leaving I'm leaving the school building I'm dipping I'm getting the fuck outta dodge I'm LEAVING

I'm pulling a middle school dream I'm becoming homeschooled I can't I cannot

**DreamXD:** HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL 

**Sapnap:** IDK??? TURNED ON MAYBE,???

**DreamXD:** W.

HUH?????? 

SAPNAP .

**Token Cishet:** ELABORATE ?

**Sapnap:** WELL NOW I DONT WANT TO

**Token Cishet:** NO. NO YOU DONT GET A CHOICE HERE. ELABORATE.

**Sapnap:** WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKIBG SAY@?$,×?÷,

IDK!! YOU TWO ALWAYS DO THAT WEIRD ASS RP SHIT IM JUST SAYING IT WOULDNT  _ SHOCK _ ME!

**DreamXD:** I 

When will I be free from my hell. When, god, 

**Sapnap:** leave the gc.

**DreamXD:** no fuck you 

Anyway George jm going to fucking get you later Sapnap you're on thin ice for now

**Sapnap:** IF I SAY I TAKE IT BACK WILL YOU FEEL BETTER???

**DreamXD:** HONESTLY NOT REALLY???

**Sapnap:** FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO THEN!! DIE???

**DreamXD:** MAYBE!

**Token Cishet:** I've been staring at the wall for five minutes thinking about what I said

**DreamXD:** GOOD

**Sapnap:** self imposed punishment 

**DreamXD:** the worst punishment of all

Knowledge

knowing what you did 

**Token Cishet:** it wasn't THAT bad

**Sapnap:** NO. NO IT WAS. IT ABSOLUTELY WAS.

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

  
  


**Bee Boy:** dream just bodyslammed george during lunch

**Pandas:** _@Dream_ you're doing great sweetie :pray: :bangbang: :relaxed: 

**Dreamy:** :blush: ty sap :) he deserved it

**Pandas:** he did!!!!! He deserves worse! 

**George:** I FUCKING HATE BOTH OF YOU

**Dreamy:** I WARNED YOU IN DMS

I SAID I WAS COMING FROM YOU

IDK WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME

**George:** I want you to die

**Dreamy:** :anguished:

**Karl:** ??? what did he DO??????

**Pandas:** you Dont want to know

**George:** IT. WASN'T. THAT. BAD.

**Dreamy:** NO IT LITERALLY WAS?

**George:** you're overreacting 

**Dreamy:** _YOU BROUGHT UP OMEGAVERSE AT NINE AM._

**Puffy:** . 

.

What the fuck

**Pandas:** George was that message implying that you've thought about what placement all of us are

**Dreamy:** WHY THE FUCK AM I AN OMEGA?

**George:** im not answering your fucking questions I'll dig myself a hole

**Pandas:** WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

???? GEORGE

WHAT

**George:** SHUT UP

**Dreamy:** NO.WHAT DOES THAT MEAN EXPLAIN RIGHT FUCKING NOW

**George:** NO

**Dreamy:** GEORGE.

**Ranboo:** hm.

**Karl:** .

**Karl** left the server!

**Ranboo:** !?,#×(&÷×(*#

me too karl 

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

**Bee Boy:** society ?

Many thoughts?

**BIG MAN:** so true?

**Ranboo:** so true tubbo!!

**BIG MAN:** :|

Simp.

**Ranboo:** what the fuck does that mean

**BIG MAN:** :|

You know. Ender boy

**Ranboo:** now that's just fucking rude

**BIG MAN:** L

L

L

L

L

L

**Ranboo:** no

**BIG MAN:** L

**Ranboo:** stop 

**BIG MAN:** L.

**Ranboo:** You're A Motherfucker. 

**BIG MAN:** I will Say it again Ranboo.

L

**Ranboo:** what the FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

\--

**_Funds_ ** _ & _ **_Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs_ **

_ (Dms) _

**Funds:** Are you okay?

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** ?

I'm fine what's up fundy?

**Funds:** Dude. I see you blaring music in your car.

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** :worried:

Listen

**Funds:** You don't have to tell me if you don't want to! Sorry, my messages can come off as blunt sometimes, and I know we haven't like, bonded, or talked much. I was just making sure you're okay. I can leave, if you want me to? Like I won't mention this to anyone, obviously, uh

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** you can come hang if you want

oh

two different vibes from our messages :worried:

**Funds:** !

Shit, no absolutely, it's fucking cold out.

Is there a…  _ reason _ you're playing I/Me/Myself on loop, though?

Coming over now, though, you can probably see me.

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** must I have a reason for will wood? hmm?

**Funds:** I'll call you a slur.

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** :anguished: :anguished: :anguished: :anguished:

**Funds:** fairy.

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** NOT THE F SLUR :worried: :worried: :worried:

I will jsus never rrcovef from thsi

**Funds:** uh huh now unlock your fucking door it's cold

Fruit.

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** wkdkskfj okokokok

NOT ANOTHER SLUR FUNDY WTF!!!

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

  
  


**Fundy** sent a video!

[ It's a short, shaky video of Charlie Slimecicle, decked out in Sonic gear. Mitski is playing loudly from the car speakers. As Charlie looks into the car, he seems taken aback to see Karl and Fundy, mouthing the words  _ what the fuck?? _ However, due to the volume of Nobody by Mitski, it's unknown if he verbally said it or not. ]

**Karl:** Society when charlie tugjfjrjfh slime is yorurr fuckong sonic waiter

**Wilby:** WHY DID HE SEEM SO SHOCKED IT WASBYOU TWO??

**Fundy** sent a video!

[ The camera is, once again, incredibly shaky as the phone sits in Fundy's lap. Karl is pulling into the Sonic Drive-Thru and cackling as Fundy screams along to Mitski. ]

**Fundy:** I can only assume because this was us pulling in.

**Wilby:** ARE YOY TWO OKAY?

**Karl:** society is when will wood and mitski, wilbur 

**Fundy:** It's true!

**Pandas:** there's an energy I didn't expect in seeing you scream nobody by mitski fundy

**Fundy:** The fuck is that supposed to mean.

**Pandas:** NO I DIDNT MEAN IT IN A BAD WAY

**Karl:** wtf sapnap wtff

ur gonna be out of the gang if you keep this up :/

**Fundy:** Exactly. The fuck.

**Pandas:** :worried: :worried: no wait wait :worried:

**Fundy:** :/

Oh.

Charlie is demanding he's to be added to the chat.

**Techie:** oh god

**BIG MAN:** yes

Yes.

**Techie:** Oh God

**BIG MAN:** shut up techno he is Great

**Wilby:** CHARLIE IN THE FUCKED UP LITTLE GC REAL?

**Techie:** please I can barely handle him irl please. Please.

**BIG MAN:** :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

Stop lying big man you are Not good at it

**Techie:** HOW AM I LYING??$?#?

**CSlime** joined the server!

**CSlime** changed their name to  **Charlie** !

**BIG MAN:** you Adore charlie 

**Techie:** I do fucking not

**Charlie:** hello motherfuckers

why wasn't I added to this before 

you're all so fucking rude what the fuck

**BIG MAN:** yes you do Technoblade you have to

**Techie:** !?,$@?*@@?

SAYS WHO HUH

**BIG MAN:** god

**Techie:** !?#,!(#* ELABORATE?

**BIG MAN:** no

**Wilby:** CHARLIE

**Charlie:** WIL BAH

**Wilby:** SO TRUE!

charlie you fucking missed out earlier okay so I was out shopping

**Charlie:** uh huh

aren't you broke

**Wilby:** I took phils card it's fine so like I was out shopping and I was grabbing a new sweater I look up and guess who I fucking see

**Fundy:** You're aware this isn't dms, right.

**Charlie:** YOURE KIDDING

**Techie:** god

they are fundy. you know they are

**Wilby:** IM NOT

**Fundy:** …

Yeah. I do.

**Charlie:** WHAT THE FUCK

**Wilby:** NO THATS LITERALLY WHAT I WAS THINKING 

**BIG MAN:** who the Fuck are you two talking About 

Tell me Now

**Charlie:** oh you know

**Wilby:** oh you know

**Techie:** bashes my head in

sometimes I'm not even sure if im the one who's twins with wilbur 

**Charlie:** because you aren't:)

**Wilby:** omg charlie and wilbur lore drop

**Charlie:** SO TRUE :bangbang:

wiat fuck okay I gotta go back to working

**Wilby:** god no wait this is so heartbreaking wjat the fuck charlie no

**Charlie:** I'm so sorry …

**Wilby:** charlie please i can't take this no not again not again

**Charlie:** its okay wilbur 

I'll live on

in your heart <3

[dying noises idk]

**Wilby:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

**Schlatt** joined the server!

**Schlatt:** the fuck is this

**Techie:** gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

FUCKING god

Society if wilburs boyfriend wasn't added to the chat

**Fundy:** I heard boyfriend and came running. Hey, Schlatt.

**Schlatt:** fuck both of you

**Wilby:** this is so fucked up why are you like this

**Fundy:** It's fruity, Wilbur!

Schlatt's in the second family group chat! It's a bit fruity!

**Wilby:** NO???

YOURE THE LITERAL FRUIT

**Fundy:** what the Fuck.

That was a hatecrime?

**Schlatt:** yes

**Fundy:** WHAT! THE FUCK!

**Charlie:** SCHLATT IN THE FUCKINNNN SIMPS CHAT WOOOP

**Schlatt:** oh god you're here too??

Goddamnit

**Charlie:** :))))))) love you too bestie <3

**Schlatt:** I will send you to hell myself 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chap bc brain empty no thoughts anyway would any of yall be up for a discord or smthn? I wanna talk w more mcyt bitches and I'm fond of making discord servers for no reason ig. would be v chill but it'd also give me an opportunity to chat w yall more:))! lmk what yall think I don't mind either way
> 
> anyway what the fuck is up with wilbur and schlatt? you'll never know <3 /threat (/j)


	11. check end notes for a fun lil thing also dear god the amount of pure discourse in this chapter is incredible really

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Charlie:**   
>  what the fuck.   
>  I hate this fucking family what the FUCK
> 
> **BIG MAN:**  
>  oh so now you're apart of the family when it's convenient for you 
> 
> **Charlie:**  
>  yes :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: I donf know how to fucking. word this. but . okay so in the bit that starts with "Bee Boy: I think people should eat more moths." there is, shockingly, an in depth mention of eating moths. so if you think you'd be uncomfortable with that or know you would be pls be safe ! <3 it's just in that one bit, so everything else is safe :D

**_Fundy_ ** _ & _ **_Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs_ **

_(Dms)_

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** it was v fun hanging w you btw!

we gotta do it again soon

but also cmon man you gotta tell me who you're THAT down bad for

**Fundy:** You first.

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** .

Fair enouf 

give it like 10 hang out sessions?

**Fundy:** More like five, but yes.

You're pretty fun to hang out with too, Karl. :) Shocked we didn't really talk before.

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** you understand you're Extremely intimidating at first right

**Fundy:** ……

Fair enough yea

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** !!

You dropped punctuation :000:]

**Fundy:** I did yesterday as well ?

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** okay that was when u were cold tho so I don't count it

first step of friendship>:]>:]]]]]]]]

**Fundy:** I'd do a keysmash, but I think that would kill you.

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** I'd hang it on my wall

"my first fundy keysmash" I'd say whenever anyone would question it

**Fundy:** _First?_ Cocky, are we, Jacobs? :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** yes

**Fundy:** aljdsljd

Fair enough 

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** WOOOO FRIENDSHIP POGG

we're popping off so hard rn fundy fr

IM PAINTING YOUR NAILS NEXT TIME WE HAMG OUT

**Fundy:** ?@,$?@*$*

Sounds ??? Good??

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** WOOO

  
  


\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

**Charlie:** children are the bane of my existence 

**Ranboo:** you're just rude

**BIG MAN:** MICROWAVED WATERMELON IS A GODDAMN DELIGHT, SLIME BOY.

**Charlie:** YOU MICROWAVE WATERMELON. YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPEAK. MUCH LESS TO ME

**BIG MAN:** ITS GOOD

**Charlie:** NO. NO IT IS FUCKING NOT.

WATERMELON IS MEANT TO BE EATEN RAW FRESH OUT OF THE SKULL

**Ranboo:** WHY WOULD YOU WORD IT LIKE THAT. ???

**BIG MAN:** "RAW" SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE WHITE BOY

**Charlie:** YOU ARE ALSO WHITE YOU WINGED BITCH

**Ranboo:** WHY WOULD YOU CALL THE GREEN PART OF THE WATERMELON THE SKULL

**Techie:** I'm a fan of my watermelon fried, personally.

**Charlie:** _HOW DID I NOT FUCKING KNOW THIS._

_DO HORRIBLE HORRIBLE WATERMELON TAKES JUST RUN IN THE FUCKING WATSON-MINECRAFT HOUSEHOLD????????_

_@W.Soot_ how do you eat your watermelon

 _@FeralRam1223_ you answer too how

**Wilby:** what

**Charlie:** WILBUR. MY FRIEND . MY BROTHER, EVEN,

**Techie:** No.

**Charlie:** HOW DO YOU EAT YOUR WATERMELON

**Wilby:** ..???????

Roasted ? Like on a stick with other fruits

**Charlie:** I.

THATS. . SLIGHTLY MORE RESPECTABLE. I GUESS.

**Fundy:** I find it rude I wasn't tagged, Charlie.

**Charlie:** I know you eat raw watermelon fundy I've seen you shovel it down your throat at 3am when I'm trying to get water too many times

**Ranboo:** head in hands stop calling it raw it's fresh you call it fresh 

**Fundy:** Still. It's the principle of the matter.

**Karl:** I'm allergic to watermelon :]

**Charlie:** oh my god will wood and mitski guy

**Karl:** charlie you. You know my name.

you know my name right. we've. been in the same classes. for our entire. high school career.

**Charlie:** .

**Karl:** .

It's. Literally my user.

**Charlie:** .

A

Anyway

 _@The Blade_ let's go back to you you fucking FRY WATERMELON?

**Karl:** CHARLIE?

**Techie:** what of it, slime boy,

**Charlie:** that nickname is absolutely not catching on

**BIG MAN:** Yes it is

I'm just so wise with nicknames :)

**Charlie:** goddamnit

**Techie:** phil is the worst

**BIG MAN:** . yeah

**Bee Boy:** what are we talking about

**Charlie:** . I'll ask about phil in a minute 

Tubbo how do you eat watermelon:)

**Bee Boy:** oh!!

I eat the rinds and give the rest to Tommy most of the time

**Charlie:** YOI EAG THE SKULL???

**Ranboo:** PLEASE. STOP WORDING IT LIKE THAT.

**Charlie:** SHUT UP ENDERBOY 

TUBBO YOU EAT THE FUCKING SKULL????

**Bee Boy:** crunch :)

**Charlie:** WHAT!! YHE FUCK!!!!!!

**Bee Boy:** it tastes nice! The texture is nice

I add salt or sugar sometimes

**Charlie:** S. SALT?

**Fundy:** no no no nope

If you say anything against salt on watermelon I'll kill you

**Charlie:** NO THATS FINE BUT ON THE _RINDS? ALONE??_

**Bee Boy:** well what else would I put it on

The nonexistent meat of it?

**Ranboo:** WHY DO ALL OF YOU USE SUCH HORRIBLE WORDS

MEAT??? _MEAT?_

**Bee Boy:** meat.

**Charlie:** fair enough you frightening little sheep boy

fair enough 

**Bee Boy:** :D :)

glad to see you know your place Slime Boy :D

**Charlie:** I will tentatively give a thumbs up

:thumbsup:

**Wilby:** again

Phil is absolutely the worst 

**Charlie:** .

**Wilby:** hearing it may put you into cardiac arrest, Charlie. Are you sure.

**Charlie:** [adjusts my tie that very much exists] … lay it on me

**Wilby:** pie.

**Charlie:** w

What

???????????

Wilbur what

**BIG MAN:** he makes it into a pie big man 

not often. because the rest of us usually get to the watermelon first but.

**Bee Boy:** I don't even know how he fucking does it 

father dearest terrifies me :)

**Charlie:** this

this is worse yeah .

okay like. how. like rind pie or

**Bee Boy:** no :)

**Charlie:** What.

**Fundy:** He just makes it into a pie, Charlie. 

Shocked you haven't seen it yet.

**Charlie:** what the fuck.

I hate this fucking family what the FUCK

**BIG MAN:** oh so now you're apart of the family when it's convenient for you 

**Charlie:** yes :)

**Schlatt:** watermelon sucks you're all dumbasses

**Charlie:** Incorrect Sheep Boy

**Schlatt:** you're literally part slime

**Charlie:** your mom fucked a sheep

**Schlatt:** take that fucking back. Right now.

**Charlie:** AM I WRONG?

**Schlatt:** my mother is a GOOD WOMAN WHO DID NOT FUCK A SHEEP

**Charlie:** THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE SHEEP HORNS HMM? :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

if no fuck sheep why stubby fluff tail HMM?

**Schlatt:** ARE YOU SAYING YOUR MOTHER FUCKED A SLIME, CHARLIE?

**Charlie:** _JOKES ON YOU SCHLATT I DONT KNOW MY BIO PARENTS AND THEREFORE WHO THEY DID AND DID NOT FUCK HAS NO EMOTIONAL TOLL ON ME BITCH BOYYY!_

stop changing the topic bro cmon did she fuck a sheep or no :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

**Schlatt:** NO???

**Charlie:** Uh Huh

**Schlatt:** Charlie. It's just. In my genes. My mother is part sheep she did not FUCK A SHEEP

**Charlie:** _SOMEONE IN YOUR FAMILY DID THO!!!!!_

**Schlatt:** OKAY????????? WHY DOES THAT CONCERN ME.

**Charlie:** just feel like you should know :)

**Schlatt:** COOL. I DID ? ALREADY ?

**Charlie:** :)

**Schlatt:** I literally fucking hate you so much

**Charlie:** ;)

**Fundy:** Hey, Charlie, c'mon, don't do a ";)" on Wilbur's man.

**Schlatt:** on WHOS man

**Wilby:** ME. AND. SCHLATT. _ARENT FUCKING DATING._

**Fundy:** You always get so goddamn defensive, it's hilarious, it really is.

**Wilby:** DIE

**Fundy:** You'd be oh so horribly sad without your favorite brother, though.

**Techie:** who said you were the favorite.

**Fundy:** It's obvious.

**Techie:** hm.

**Fundy:** :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

**Bee Boy:** you're all wrong jts tommy you dumb Fucks

**Wilby:** I'll tell you who isn't the favorite of our father 

me

any truers in chat

**Bee Boy:** when did philza get into conversation

**Wilby:** I don't like being the main focus

**Bee Boy:** Pussy.

**BIG MAN:** We don't have time for your Daddy issues Wilbur get with the Fucking times

**Wilby** : we are in the same boat bird boy 2.0

.

3.0 ?

**BIG MAN:** I AM MY OWN PERSON

**Wilby:** barely

**BIG MAN:** GOD YOURE A BITCH

**Fundy:** I'm the trans one. How are you the family disappointment, Wilbur?

**Techie:** he's a mini phil

**Fundy:** Ah.

**Wilby:** WHAT . THE FUCK??????????????.????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

**Bee Boy:** Eldest daughter syndrome but put it in the second born son and you have Wilbur:)

**Wilby:** WHAT THE FUCK

I hate all of you so much

**Charlie:** its okay wilbur you don't make fucked up watermelon pies so you're better then phil in my book :sparkling_heart:

**Wilby:** that is not comforting charlie 

**Charlie:** damn bitch ok die then

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

**Niki:** Eret, panicked: WHY WOULD YOU GIVE TUBBO A KNIFE?

Dream: he said he felt unsafe?

Eret: NOW I FEEL UNSAFE? YOU GAVE _TUBBO A FUCKING KNIFE???_

Dream: fair… fair…. [...] do… _you_ want a knife? 

**Dreamy:** I OFFERED !!!!

**Niki:** DREAM PLEAKDENENFN

why did you even give tubbo a knife????

**Dreamy:** again!!he felt unsafe!!

**Niki:** dream.

of what. 

**Dreamy:** .

the

uh

well.

theee. 

_uh._

**Bee Boy:** the vibes were off

**Dreamy:** the vibes were off :)

**Bee Boy:** slime boy needs to learn his place

**Dreamy:** what

**Bee Boy:** don't worry about it :)

**Dreamy:** oki!:D

**Niki:** !?#,×[=&÷($&@($&

"WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY KNIVES????????????????" "oh you know" " _NO??? I DONT?????_ "

I've decided the only person I trust is eret

**Fundy:** That's how it should be, yes.

Eret. /fond

**Niki:** SO true!!!

**Dreamy:** I don't know why she's asking so many questions 

**Niki:** dream you have ten knives on you rn

**Dreamy:** that's low for me

**Niki:** I

.

yeah I know

**Pandas:** I once brought dream to a sword eater thing and he excitedly said "I WANNA DO THAT!!!" before immediately proceeding to attempt that with one of the swords

we got kicked out

this is only vaguely related but I feel like it should be known

**George:** I hate that I remember that

**Dreamy:** if they didn't want me to try they shouldn't have given me the sword

**Niki:** you are so wildly and horribly concerning 

**Dreamy:** ty niki<3 I try I try

**Charlie:** TUBBO IS CHADING ME WITH A KNFIE

**Dreamy:** L

**Niki:** have you let him stab you

**Charlie:** _NO?_

**Niki:** well.

maybe you should.

ever think about that? hm?

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

**Techie:** I fucking hate stuart little.

Like, genuinely. I hate him so, so much. Little fucking mouse _idiot._ That movie fills me with so much rage. When I snap that movie will be one of my reasons, I know it deep in my bones.

First off, just, why the fuck was a mouse an option for adoption? Huh? Why. Why did the people take home a mouse rather then a child. Imagine a family coming in, ready to adopt a child, and they choose a _mouse_ over you. What the fuck.

Why did he have clothes.

Why did he have fucking clothes.

**Puffy:** this is the most I've ever seen you send in chat, techno

**Fundy:** Why can't the mouse be adopted, Techno? The mouse wants a family too.

**Techie:** _FUCK STUART LITTLE, FUNDY._

"The mouse want a family too" AND ???

maybe it's mouse family shouldn't have DIED huh ever think of that

he fills me with so much fucking rage I bet he doesn't even brush his little fucking mouse teeth because he's so fucking SMALL how COULD HE!

NOBODY MAKES TOOTHBRUSHES FOR FUCKING MICE!!!! HE CANT BRUDH HIS FUCKING TEETH HE CANR FUCKING BRUSH THEM ALL HE CAN DO IS WHAT??? TAKE A LITTLE BIT OFNTHE FUCKING TOOTHPASTE AND WATER???

HES SO SMALL IT WOULD EXPIRE BEFORE HE COULD USE IT ALL

IT WOULD FUCKING EXPIRE BECAUSE HES SO FUCKING SMALL

**Techie:** WHAT COULD HE EVEN FUCKING DO. SKATEBOARX??? DOES HE SKATEBOARD I DONT FUCKING REMEMBER IF I REWATCH TGE MOVIE ILL CRU OUT OF RAGE

**Fundy:** He does.

**Techie:** _GOD._

**Fundy:** Hey. Hey. Hey Techno.

**Techie:** ……..what

**Fundy:** Did you know there's a second Stuart Little.

**Techie:** w

what

what

WHAT

**Fundy:** There's a second one. 

**Techie:** ?@,$##&#*'xmx.x.x.x…..

**Fundy:** "Plucky, pint-sized hero Stuart Little (Michael J. Fox) returns in "Stuart Little 2," delighting audiences with his big heart and even more action-packed adventure. This time, Stuart must journey through the city with a reluctant Snowbell (Nathan Lane) to rescue a new friend, Margalo (Melanie Griffith), from a villainous Falcon (James Woods)."

**Techie:** I AM NOT FUCKING DELIGHTED. I AM _NOT FUCKING DELIGHTED._

**Fundy:** Reading through the wiki.

It's set three years after he was adopted.

**Techie:** stop

I donr want to be burden with this knowledge STOPP

**Fundy:** No.

"Stuart Little questions his abilities following a disastrous soccer match alongside his adoptive older brother George. Stuart's relationship with George is strained further after Stuart accidentally crashes a model airplane he and George were creating in the house. Stuart's adoptive father, Frederick, tries to encourage him, telling him that "every cloud has a silver lining.""

**Techie:** george?

_@Lost In The Abyss_

_YOU._

**Fundy:** What the fuck does the every cloud has a silver lining thing mean that sounds stupid as shit.

**George:** why was I pinged

**Techie:** _you did this_

**George:** :worried: :worried: HUH

**Fundy:** BLACKMAIL AND MURDER 

**George:** _HUH???_

**Fundy:** "Later, Margalo, an apparently injured canary, falls into Stuart's roadster as he is driving home from school. Stuart invites Margalo to stay with his family for a while. However, Margalo is secretly assisting her master, a greedy falcon, to steal valuables from households. Orphaned as a fledgling, Margalo grows reluctant to steal from the Littles and becomes close friends with Stuart. The Falcon threatens to kill Stuart unless Margalo steals Eleanor's wedding ring."

**Techie:** ss

Society if margalo let Stuart be killed

**Fundy:** He falls down the sink. 

**Bee Boy:** L 

L

LLL

**Fundy:** Tubbo, I feel like you have Stuart Little energy.

**Bee Boy:** ?!,#?@ WHAT THE FUCK.

**Fundy:** Why do the parents care this much about a mouse that is going to die like, next year.

THE CAT FUCKING EATS THE VILLAIN??

**Techie:** wait I just realized

He plays SOCCER?

THEY LET THE FUCKING MOUSE PLAY?? SOCCER???????????

I FUCKING HATE THESE MOVIES

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

  
  


**Bee Boy:** I think people should eat more moths.

**Sam:** w

Tubbo what

**Bee Boy:** I said what I said! They are very tasty

**BIG MAN:** so true big man

**Ranboo:** YEAH

**Dreamy:** oh god not the moth discourse again 

**George:** A. AGAIN?

**Ranboo:** fuck off dream

**Dreamy:** you fucking fry them 

**Karl:** THIS? AGAIN?

**Fundy:** Jesus fuck, this? Again?

Oh. Same brain.

**Karl:** SAME BRAIN

wait what do YOU mean by again 

**Fundy:** Tommy and Tubbo fight the family all the time on if moths are good or not. 

They are not.

**BIG MAN:** no you're just a Coward.

**Fundy:** I would rather die a coward, then die a fool.

**BIG MAN:** why do you always talk like that 

**Fundy:** I dislike you.

**BIG MAN:** BITCH

**Ranboo:** listen 

Frying them is a valid way of making them

**Dreamy:** _EATING MOTHS IS NOT FUCKING VALID, RANBOO._

**Ranboo:** YOURE A COWARD AND WILL DIE BEFORE YOU HIT TWENTY

**Dreamy:** HAVE YOU LOOKED AT ME??? WE KNEW THIS BUT _YOU EAT FUCKING MOTHS_

**Bee Boy:** crunch crunch!!

I like dipping them in chocolate :) add some sprinkles for funzies 

**BIG MAN:** you also eat them raw big man

**Bee Boy:** :) 

Crunch crunch

**Ranboo:** wait okay but the chocolate thing sounds so good

**Karl:** NO. NO IT DOESN'T.

**Ranboo:** you're gay shut up

**Karl:** !?$;×(×<+[#,!?#*×($>]@?$?@*#(@,$?@*$[×(÷[÷*=>[÷×[×[×**#?#?@(=*$,÷,÷;$*÷[÷[÷(×?@?!*$,@(×*×[×&$

**Ranboo:** *fruity

my bad

WAIT SPEAKING OF FRUITS

**Karl:** _!(# &×(=&×(=^÷×*$;×?$^÷(÷[×(,#?#,×[÷(@(×*$?#?@&÷*×][÷(×?$&÷(×,$?÷*$&#(=;,÷_

**Ranboo:** _@Theseus @FeralRam1223_ HAVE YOU TWO EVER EATEN THEM WITH A SIDE OF FRUIT???

**BIG MAN:** YES YES YES YES

IYS SO GOOD

**Bee Boy:** STRAWBERRIES AND MOTHS MY DEAR BELOVEDS

**Ranboo:** _YES YOU GET IT YOU GET IT_

**Pandas:** what the fuck did I come back to

**Dreamy:** slams my head into the wall

**Ranboo:** oh you know

**Pandas:** .

No i don't but I don't want to

**BIG MAN:** wait okay so ranboo quick question big man

**Ranboo:** ?

**BIG MAN:** you know funnel cakes yes?

**Ranboo:** yes

**BIG MAN:** me and tubso occasionally make those but like. with moths.

**Ranboo:** OH?

**Techie:** YOUBWHAT

YOU WHAT

TOMMY TUBBO YOU FUCKING WHAT

THATS MY FRYER PLEASE TELL ME YOU FUCKING WASH IT

**Bee Boy:** YEAH OKAY SO WE ADD HONEY AND POWERED SUGAR AND GOD ITS SO GOOD

**Techie:** TOMMY . TUBBO . PLEASE.

**Fundy:** …

You might wanna ask dad for a new one, Techno.

**Techie:** I'm going to start sobbing

**Fundy:** I want to say L so badly right now.

**Techie:** FUCK OFF

**Quack:** wait moths? we talking moths? em oh tee ach?

**Pandas:** . Quackity .

**Ranboo:** oh,???????are you a man of taste as well

**Pandas:** _quackity._

**Quack:** oh well of course

you guys ever had a moth smoothie?

**Bee Boy:** your Mind ? …..

**BIG MAN:** BIG Q YOUR MIND!!!!!!!!!!!

**Quack:** I used to make them like once a week and bring it to school yeah

mixed it with berries that shit banged

**Dreamy:** w

Wait

Wait that smoothie that

I 

the smoothie that you gave me a drink of once?

**Quack:** .,.,., probably. ??

**Dreamy:** I

I

I

I

(!*#(@*÷(×*#(@*$*#

**George:** point and laugh at the moth eater

**Dreamy:** _FUCK YOU_

**George:** dream weve been over this I'm straight 

**Dreamy:** +*#*@(÷&#(×(#,'@[=>÷>×[*$;'!)[$]×?'bxnjsjdjshGRGRGDGDGDGDBBDBDG RGRRG

**Pandas:** translation: [angry dream noises]

**Dreamy:** IM GKUBG TO GET YOU

**George:** Uh huh

**Dreamy:** WATXH OUT YOU BROWN HAIRED FUCK

**George:** … Uh huh.

**Ranboo:** _@Theseus @FeralRam1223 @Big Q_ moths but in those lollipops 

**Quack:** AYO?

**George** muted **Ranboo** , **Quack** , **BIG MAN** , and **Bee Boy** for 24 hours!

**George:** take this elsewhere rn.

**Dreamy:** :))) ok I won't kill u now

**George:** okay fruit

**Dreamy:** NVM RUNNING TO UR LOCATION RN GOD I HATE YOU

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

**Karl:** fun game to play, it's called

"what will dream eat, and what will he not?"

currently the stats are:

grass? yes! moss? yes! rocks? depends on the size, small ones yes. twigs and leaves? yes! shoelaces? _Annoyingly!_ My cooking? No.

**Dreamy:** OH IM SORRY YOU MAKE MUSHROOMS FOR EVERY MEAL YOU COOK YOU BITCH THE TEXTURE IS BAD IM NEURODIVERGENT ALSO WHAT THE FUCK SINCE WHEN WAS THIS A GAME YOU PLAYED 

**Karl:** I've been doing this for years

**Dreamy:** WHAT????? WHAT.

**Wilby:** how bad is your cooking karl 

**Karl:** he's just a little baby don't worry wilbur I'm the best cook :)

**Dreamy:** no that's ranboo

ALSO AGAIN TEXTURE YOU ANNOYING ASSHOLE

**Karl:** no :)

**Fundy:** What's the most fucked up thing he's eaten.

**Dreamy:** FUNDY??

**Karl:** metal can

it was a coke can

he drank it and just fucking

crunched

crunched and munched

**Fundy:** Hm. Shockingly not as bad as I suspected.

**Karl:** he also ate a ring once

**Dreamy:** OKAY FUCK YOU THAT DOESNT COUNT IT WAS A DARE

**Karl:** _IT WAS A WEDDING RING._

**Dreamy:** IT. WAS. A. DARE.

**Karl:** YOU LITERALLY JUST FOUND IT ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND LISTENED WHEN RANBOO TOLD YOU TO EAT IT????

**Dreamy:** A DARE, KARL.

**Karl:** IT WASN'T. IT WASNT AT ALL. HE WAS LIKE 5.

**Wilby:** I WAS TEN YOU ASSHOLE - ranboo 

**Karl:** SAME THING

**Dreamy:** no literally not at all

**Karl:** YOU DONT REMEMBER HALF OF YOUR CHILDHOOD SHUT UP

**Dreamy:** lore drop

**Karl:** why do you call it lore

**Dreamy:** .

funy?

WAIT NO OKAY BACK ON TOPIC IT WAS A SMALL WEDDING RING

**Karl:** NOT REALLY???????

IT DOESNR CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU JUST. ATE IT. YOU JUST FUCKING ATE IT.

**Fundy:** I.

Well. 

**Karl:** what else has dream eaten actually 

**Dreamy:** SHUT UP YOU DICK GOD

**Karl:** no it's fun to bully you

**Pandas:** omg Karl bully arc real??

**Karl:** always has been 

**Dreamy:** IM PART SHEEP YOU CANT JUST DO THIS TO ME

**Karl:** i can and I will 

**Dreamy:** GOD??

**Karl:** my name is karl, dream, cmon

OOO YOU ALSO TRIED TO EAT A FURBY ONCE 

**Dreamy:** NO SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP

**Fundy:** WHAT?

**George:** WHAT???????

**Schlatt:** no I get it, I get it

**George:** FUCKING HOW

**Schlatt:** it's just like that sometimes

**George:** ELABORATE?

**Schlatt:** no

\--

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_(10+ members)_

**Niki:** I may not be a saint, but really, it's not like I've killed anyone, Minx. It's not like someone once vaguely spited someone I cared about, and so I tracked down everything I could find about them, including address and work place. It's not like, after that, I went to their house and did heavy vandalism. It's not like I fucked up their car. It's not like I dug deep into their social medias and found shit that I was able to call their workplace and get them fired for. It's not like I fucked them over completely, ruining so much for them in a moment, just over something light. 

I would never.

W

oh no

oh wrong server

**Puffy:** NIKI !?$,@?,????

**Schlatt:** I want to act surprised that you know minx but no, no it checks out

**Niki:** _YOU_ KNOW MINX?

**Wilby:** _NIKI???????????_

no but as you should but NIKI.????????????

**Niki:** hello wil my beloved/p how are you 

**Wilby:** ?!#,*×,#(*

**Niki:** :)

\--

**_Big Q_ ** _ & _ **_Jschlatt_ **

_(Dms)_

**Big Q:** We agree to say we don't know each other, right.

**Jschlatt:** oh abs a fucking olutely 

**Big Q:** thank god

listen we're still on good terms but I am not explaining how we know each other MUCH less the fact that we dated 

**Jschlatt:** no, again, quackity, we are not saying a fucking word

wilbur would skin me if the fucker has found out the shit that I've done

**Big Q:** how'd the cult work out for you, btw?

**Jschlatt:** they unionized against me when I tried to add taxes :/

**Big Q:** damn

L

**Jschlatt:** do not start with me duck boy

**Big Q:** horrible nickname, sheep boy

also the fuck is up with you and wilbur huh

**Jschlatt:** lmao

no

**Big Q:** DAMN

nice try tho?

**Jschlatt:** yes

go run along to your little boyfriend now

**Big Q:** ayo how the fuck. . how the fuck. .

**Jschlatt:** :)

**Big Q:** never use smileys again

cursed as fuck

absolutely not

**Jschlatt:** LMAOOO fair enough 

also again. known you basically our whole lives, quackity. you aren't "slick"

**Big Q:** WE INTERACTED LIKE TWICE IN CHAT SINCE U FUCKIN JOINED???

**Jschlatt:** and! what of it

fruity ass

**Big Q:** never call me that again I will drop all the fucking shit on u so fast

"Schlatt? yeah. he started a cult that didn't work. killed a few people. sold drugs at one point. got arrested for trying to sell cops knives that he made while knowing they were cops."

**Jschlatt:** "few"

also HEY! anyone can be a loyal customer 

**Big Q:** get therapy

**Jschlatt:** you first bitch 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact! it is impossible to make watermelon pie :) or. well. in the way that you're probably thinking of, and in the way I describe it in the fic. take that how you will. :]
> 
> discord pog!! feel free to join :] just a fun lil place to talk about mcyt and lose it yes yes
> 
> https://discord.gg/PUnqWmFtFE


	12. "I've decided to start a restaurant" "fucking. what."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Bee Boy:**  
>  YOURE SAYING ITS GOOD FOR HIM TO HURT A YOUNG BOY???
> 
> THIS IS WHY YOU GET NO BITCHES, GOGGLES.
> 
> **Dreamy:** BASED
> 
> **Pandas:** BANGERRRRRR

**_S(i)MP(s)_ **

_ (10+ members) _

**Ranboo** sent a picture!

**Ranboo:** jam….

**Bee Boy:** JAM :D

**BIG MAN:** Why are you Holding a small Plant Tubbo

**Bee Boy:** pet :)

**BIG MAN:** Okay big Man :thumbsup:

**Ranboo:** we have to take care of a plant for a class

we've named them jam

**Bee Boy:** our child!!

**Niki:** aww!! Is it a succulent? 

**Ranboo:** yes!

Wait tubbo 

does this make us married

**Bee Boy:** well do you want our child to be a bastard, Ranboo?

Ranboo I'm already a bastard it is not fun 

People look at me and go hahahha little tubbo boy your parents were not in love enough 

**George:** WHO says that tubbo

**Bee Boy:** Fundy.

Which is strange because his parents were not married either 

**George:** I thought??? You didn't know your parents tubbo??you were adopted???

**Bee Boy:** He knows.

**George:** I

good for him. 

**Bee Boy:** ARE YOU SAYING ITS GOOD HE MOCKS ME?

**George:** N. NO WAIT

**Bee Boy:** YOURE SAYING ITS GOOD HE RUINS MY MENTAL HEALTH EVERY DAY GOGGLES?

**George:** _GOGGLES?_

**BIG MAN:** GOGGLES.

**Bee Boy:** YOURE SAYING ITS GOOD FOR HIM TO HURT A YOUNG BOY???

THIS IS WHY YOU GET NO BITCHES, GOGGLES.

**Dreamy:** BASED

**Pandas:** BANGERRRRRR

**George:** I hate you both

**Dreamy:** :worried:

cracks knuckles it's been ages since we've done this george 

**George:** oh you're right

**Pandas:** What.

No.

No.

Nononono

Stop no no no

**Dreamy:** nya… *blushes* george senpai…

**Pandas:** FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

**George:** *rolls my eyes while smirking*

**Pandas:** STOP IT

**Ranboo:** can we go back to talking about jam this is a horrible conversation 

**Bee Boy:** I'm covering their eyes rn they can't see this shit

**Ranboo:** tubbo what eyes jam is a plant 

**Bee Boy:** oh :)) you know

**Ranboo:** I

Uh huh :thumbsup:

**Dreamy:** I FORGTOT THIS WASNT THE DREAM TEAM TRIO GC

**Pandas:** HOW

**Dreamy:** I DONT KNOW!!!

**Ranboo:** _dream_ team trio? kind of a selfish name dude:/

**BIG MAN:** Honestly. Horrible name

**Dreamy:** you're both freshman fuck off 

**Ranboo:** you just tried to roleplay with george in the main gc

**George:** WEVE DONE IT BEFORE

**Bee Boy:** Goggles I cannot explain how that does not make it better

-

**_Oh Jesus, Oh God, What The Fuck_ **

_ (4 members) _

**Schlatt:** I've decided to start a restaurant 

**Slimey Little Boy:** what

Why.

**Schlatt:** If I'm committing crimes, Charlie Slimecicle, I want them to be good.

**Slimey Little Boy:** THAT 

DID NOT ANSWER ANYTHING?

IS THE FUCKING RESTAURANT GOING TO BE A FRONT FOR DRUGS???

SCHLATT YOURE BARELY 19 HOW ARE YOU GOING TO START A RESTAURANT 

**Schlatt:** I have my ways.

Do not question a God, Charlie.

**Slimey Little Boy:** WHAT . ???

**Ted:** Schlatt please

**Schlatt:** DO NOT QUESTION A GOD, TED 

**Ted:** weren't you in therapy for your god complex schlatt

**Schlatt:** weren't you in therapy for questioning me

**Ted:** every single conversation. Every single conversation 

**Schlatt:** bitch 

**Ted:** you're literally so incredibly annoying you god complex lookin ass

**Schlatt:** I wish I had a god complex maybe then I could kill you

**Ted:** is that a fucking threat

**Schlatt:** take it how you will

**Ted:** I 

Cool.

What drugs are you gonna sell, Schlatt

**Schlatt:** I'm not selling drugs, Ted.

I'm setting up a restaurant, and some very special customers will pay extra, and get a fun surprise that isn't a surprise. That's all.

**Ted:** . yeah. drugs

**Slimey Little Boy:** what? Drugs? Nooo Ted I thought it was gonna be fucking rubber ducks

**Ted:** I'm so sorry to tell you this then charlie 

**Slimey Little Boy:** what teh fucj

I'm heartbroken 

Destroyed really 

Will never recover

**Schlatt:** L.

**Slimey Little Boy:** horrible. you're already starting to sound like the bitches in simps 

**Schlatt:** NEVER FUCKING SAY THAT TO ME AGAIN?

**Ted:** in WHAT

simps?????????????

**Slimey Little Boy:** oh :) you know

**Ted:** I do not charles slime cicle

**Slimey Little Boy:** MY FULL NAME?

**Ted:** your full name

**Slimey Little Boy:** what the FUCK.

\--

**_Big Q_ ** _ & _ **_Theseus_ **

_ (Dms) _

  
  


**Theseus:** BIG MAN

BIG MAN

BIG MAN

BIG Q

QUACKITY 

BIG QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQBDBDBSSWQQQQQWAWWWWWWWBbbbbnshhh

**Theseus:** DICKHEAD

BITCH

BIG Q

BIG MAN

ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONENENEDJNNBBBBBBBBBBBBNNNJJFJJJJJJ

**Big Q:** what

Are you??? Okay??????????????????

**Theseus:** hi :)

**Big Q:** :confused: :face_with_raised_eyebrow: :frowning2: :neutral_face:

**Theseus:** :]

**Big Q:** what do you want small ass

**Theseus:** I am so much taller then you

**Big Q:** you're practically a baby

what do you want tommy 

**Theseus:** I'm such a big man in comparison to you

such a big man

so big

**Big Q:** uh huh

**Theseus:** Anyway! Remember that turkey that got into your house

**Big Q:** .

Oh I hate this conversation now

,,yes

**Theseus:** she's coming back

**Big Q:** HHUH.

WHAT. DOES THAT MEAN.

**Theseus:** listen okay so 

after techno and philza grabbed her Wilbur was like okay we need to train her guys and nobody wanted to train a feral fucking turkey so nobody did it 

so he did and

God she's so scary big q anyway she got out again but this time I think she wants blood

**Big Q:** She literally tried to kill sapnap

**Theseus:** well I mean like

Important blood this time

**Big Q:** HES MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND?

**Theseus:** oh shit fr? Congrats big man! But still nonetheless like I mean important blood

So like

You 

Or Sam maybe 

**Big Q:** is this a warning or are you telling me to contact you if I see her

**Theseus:** both! :D lock your windows this time, yeah?

**Big Q:** THEY HAD A LOCK ON THEM LAST TIME HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW SAPNAP WOULDNT KNOW HOW TO UNLATCH THE STOPPER

**Theseus:** to be fair a rabid turkey was trying to kill him

-

**_Simps but without ranboo oh gof oh fcuk_ **

_ (10+ members) _

**FeralRam1223:** GUSY

GSUSY

GUYS

GUYS

**Theseus:** ???????

Why the new gc tubso

**FeralRam1223:** I FCKCIBH

I FCUKING

UH

LOST THE PLANT 

**Niki:** JAM?D:

**FeralRam1223:** RANBOO TOLD ME TO TAKE THEM HOME SO I DID AND NOW THEYTE GOEN

**Jschlatt:** oh that uh

That. Sucks, kid?

**FeralRam1223:** NOT HELPFUL!!! WHAT DO

**Theseus:** tubbo you

You brought a plant

Into a house with

Three bird hybrids. A piglin hybrid. A fox hybrid and. Two ferrets and a wild fucking turkey?

And you thought that was a GOOD IDEA?

**FeralRam1223:** FUCK OFF FUCK OFF I SEE MY MISTAKE YOU ASSHOLE

**Theseus:** WHY DIDNT YOY LET TUBBO TAKE THE PLANT HOME

**FeralRam1223:** I DONT KNOW!!!!!! I WANTED TO SHOW I WAS RESPONSIBLE FUCK OFF HELP ME

**Theseus:** I'll look around the house???

wouldn't be surprised if jenkins or daisy took it

**FeralRam1223:** them

**Theseus:** why can't the plant use they/it you whore

**Dream:** WHO ARE JENKINS AND DAISY.

**Fundy:** Ferrets.

**Dream:** ???? YOU HAVE FERRETS???

**Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs:** aww

Ferrets are so cute :))

**FeralRam1223:** PEOPLE

I GET IT HALF OF US ARE NEURODIVERGENT BUT FUCKING FOCUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY VERY IMPORTANT PLANT WITH MY PLATONIC HUSBAND

**Theseus:** HEY WHEN DID WE EVOLVE TO PLATONIC HUSBANDS WHAT THE FUCK DID I MISS

**FeralRam1223:** DONT WORRY ABOUT IT

**Theseus:** _ WELL NOW IM DOUBLE WORRIED??? _

**FeralRam1223:** UH

FUCKING 

L

**Niki:** I can help you! I work at a plant shop tubbo!!:) I can help you find one that looks similar!!!

**FeralRam1223:** !!!!!!

ONCE AGAIN NIKI IS THE ONLY ONE I TRUST

**W.Soot:** she's the only one who matters

**BIG MAN:** So true

**Niki:** :)))!!!!

still planning on using this power for evil:))

**W.Soot:** I will let you

-

**_Big Q_ ** _ & _ **_Theseus_ **

_ (Dms) _

**Big Q:** HEY

HSY

TOMMY 

SHES HERE

**Theseus:** ?

Samsung?

**Big Q:** YEAH .

CAN YOU FUCKING GET WILBUR TO COME GET HER

**Theseus:** yes

**Big Q:** BAD NEWS THOUGH

SHES UH

. UH.

**Theseus:** ??????

-

**_The GAYS and their Emotional Support Homophobe_ **

_ (3 members) _

**Sapnap:** GSUSY

GUSYS

FUCK

OH GOD OH FCUKC NKT AGAJN

**DreamXD:** ?????????????????

**Sapnap:** TEHE FYCJKNG TURKEY

**Token Cishet:** THE TURKEY?

**Sapnap:** IM SISBING REAL TEAES J CANT EGST AWYA

IM FUCKING KICKIBF HER SHE WONT GET AWYAH

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHE WENT FOR THE RTHUGH

**DreamXD:** _SAPNAP???????.????????????????????????????????????_

**Sapnap:** THIS IS FUCKING HORRIFYING IS THIS HOW I DIE?

**Token Cishet:** GOD

REST IN PISS?

**Sapnap:** NO!!!!!!

OH GDID

SHSWS GKING FOR MY HANDS

FUKC

**DreamXD:** SAP???

SAPNAP????

PANDAS?????????

**Token Cishet:** he's fucking dead

**DreamXD:** goddamn…

*mourns his death but in a fun way*

**Token Cishet:** what the fuck does that mean

**DreamXD:** oh you know goggles

**Token Cishet:** THAT NAME IS NOT FUCKING CATCHING ON

**DreamXD:** hmm

yes it is

**Sapnap:** IM HDIDJBG IN THE BATHROOM AGAIN

WHY DOES SHE WANR TO KILL ME

**Token Cishets:** hates gay people?

**Sapnap:** and no yeah the nickname goggles is funny as fuck George

**Token Cishet:** FUCK YOU GO GET EATEN BY A TURKEY YOU WEAK FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey gamers what's up also I promise jam is not a replacement for michael.:) michael will show up eventually :] 
> 
> the discord !  
> https://discord.gg/PUnqWmFtFE


	13. WHAT THE FUCK?? NEW FORMAT??? (not irl writing I promise oh god oh fuck i-)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Dream:** Oomfies… oomfs… besties…
> 
> My little meow meows?

**_Two GAYS and their Emotional Support Homophobe_ **

_(3 members)_

**Sapnap** started a voice-call!

**Sapnap:** [muffled yelling]

**Dream:** Sap - _Sap -_ [wheezing] holy shit you really are being killed, aren't you -

**George:** Did he even mean to start the call?

**Dream:** [Still wheezing] Probably not.

**Sapnap:** FUCK YOU GUYS - _SHIT -_ [more yelling]

**George:** … Or maybe he did. _Saaaaap._ C'mon. Stop being killed by a fucking - murderous turkey, you fruit.

**Dream:** Please stop calling him slurs.

**George:** Fruit is _not_ a fucking _slur_ , Dream -

**Dream:** It's a derogatory term, fucker!

**George:** _And?_ Maybe I want to hatecrime Sappy nappy. Bitch.

**Dream:** That's not what a hatecrime is. You know, George, you shouldn't joke about shit like that. It devalues the word.

**George:** [sighs]

Why do you _always_ do this shit. You always make these jokes but the _second_ I start them-

**Dream:** I like annoying you! It's how I show affection!

**George:** Why can't you like - I don't know, give me gifts or some shit. Give me gifts, Dream. I demand payment for this fucking friendsh-

**Sapnap:** _SHE WENT FOR THE DI-_

**Sapnap** has disconnected from the voice-call!

**Dream** & **George:** [...]

**Dream:** _THE DICK?_

**George:** THE DICK?

SAMSUNG… NO…

**Dream:** Forcefu- force- I can't say it -

**George:** Say it. Fucking say it. 

**Dream:** Forcefully assigned bottom at turkey dick removal?

**George:** [...]

**Token Cishet** has disconnected from the voice-call!

**Dream:** Oh come _ON-_

-

**_Two GAYS and their Emotional Support Homophobe_ **

_(3 members)_

  
  


**Sapnap** started a voice-call!

**Dream:** SAP.

YOU'RE ALIVE.

DICK GONE?? DICK GONE?

**Sapnap:** FUCK OFF.

**Dream:** WHERE'S THE DICK, SAPNAP.

THIS IS A ROBBERY. GIVE US THE DICK.

**George:** DO _NOT_ GIVE ME ANY SORT OF -

-

**_Two GAYS and their Emotional Support Homophobe_ **

_(3 members)_

  
  


**DreamXD** started a voice-call!

**Dream:** Oomfies… oomfs… besties…

My little meow meows?

**Dream** was disconnected from the voice-call!

**George:** Peace… finally… heart emoji.

**Sapnap:** You did what had to be done.

**Dream** reconnected to the voice-call!

**Dream:** YOU ALL ARE ASSHOLES AND I WANT YOU DE-

**DreamXD** was disconnected from the voice-call!

-

**_Two GAYS and their Emotional Support Homophobe_ **

_(3 members)_

  
  


**Token Cishet** started a voice-call!

**George:** [heavy breathing]

**Dream:** OMG… hi hottie… teehee…

**Sapnap:** Why did you say "OMG" out loud. Why did you not just say oh my god.

**Dream:** Dramatic affect?

**Sapnap:** I hate you.

**Dream:** Am I going on your DNI.

I thought we were oomfs… turns out we're just DNI…

**Sapnap:** NO. BECAUSE UNLIKE _YOU,_ DREAM WASTAKEN LAST NAME-

**Dream:** Ah yes. My famous middle name. Wastaken.

**Sapnap:** [talking over him] SHUT UP LET ME FINISH -

**Dream:** [louder to then talk over Sapnap] LITTLE KNOWN FACT -

**Sapnap:** [even _louder_ ] _BECAUSE UNLIKE YOU DREAM I'M NOT ADDICTED TO FUCKING TWITTER -_

**George:** [softly] why are you fucking tweeter…

**Dream:** SEE - _SEE -_

See, little known fact, my last name is actually your fucking MO-

**DreamXD** was disconnected from the call!

**Sapnap:** GEORGE??

**George:** Yes?

**Sapnap:** DID YOU DISCONNECT DREAM?

**George:** Yes… 

**Sapnap** : My hero. Heart emoji. Swoons.

**George:** No.

[Continues heavy breathing]

**Sapnap:** What are you _doing._

**George:** I just like making noise.

**Sapnap:** [...]

**Token** **Cishet** was disconnected from the voice-call!

-

**_Two GAYS and their Emotional Support Homophobe_ **

_(3 members)_

  
  


**DreamXD** started a voice-call!

**Dream:** Guys guys guys guys guys guys gays-

**George:** _A-fucking-hem._

**Dream:** [overdramatic groan]

 _Gay_ and _cishet._

Can I add groovy to the server.

**Sapnap:** ABSOLUTELY NOT.

YOU ARE NOT FUCKING PLAYING MITSKI WHILE WE PLAY FUCKING OVERWATCH OR SOME SHIT DUDE.

NOT DEALING WITH YOUR PINING ASS.

**Dream:** WHY ARE YOU _YELLING-_

**George:** I, for one, think it would be funny to hear Dream crying while trying to defend.

**Dream:** FUCK YOU?

**George:** You will never come ten feet near my dick, Dreamjamin.

**Sapnap:** DREAMJAMIN.

Dreamathy.

**George:** Dreamael?

**Sapnap:** Dreamophania.

**George:** That, that sounds like a disease.

**Sapnap:** Yeah, called gay person disease. Fatal, sadly. No cure. 

**George:** Damn...

**Dream:** SAYS THE FUCKING F-

**DreamXD** was disconnected from voice-call!

**George:** [cackling] HE ALMOST FUCKING -

**Sapnap:** [also cackling] THE WAY I CLICKED ON HIS PROFILE SO FUCKING FAST -

-

**_Fundy_ ** _ & _ **_Twitch.Tv/KarlJacobs_ **

_(Dms)_

**Fundy** started a voice-call!

**Karl:** Bestie vibes only right now…

We are popping off.

**Fundy:** We've been on call for five seconds.

**Karl:** _We're popping off, Fundy._

**Fundy:** [laughs]

We're popping off. So true. Painting nails time?

**Karl:** YEAAHHHH!

Like I said! _Popping off!_

[Pop cat noises]

**Fundy:** [louder pop cat noises]

**Karl:** [ _louder_ pop cat noises]

[This continues for twenty minutes.]

-

**_Memory Loss Trio_ **

_(3 members)_

**TwitchTv** started a voice-call!

**Karl:** When - when Will Wood said,

When he said,

"AM I PRETTY ENOUGH, TO LOVE BACK? NO NOT YET! I WISH I COULD BE A GIRL, IN THAT WAY AND YOU'D WISH YOU COULD KICK MY FUCKING TEETH IN! JUST A LITTLE OLD ME? AM I PRETTY ENOUGH, TO FUCKING DIE!"

So true.

**Ranboo:** The way I've heard you looping that all day.

The way I heard you just fucking belt that from across the goddamn house.

Are you coping? Are you coping, swirl boy?

**Karl:** I've never coped a day in my life.

Coped? Is it coped?

**Ranboo:** Why are you asking _me._ You're the fucking senior?

**Karl:** RANBOO! ALL OF MY BRAINSCELL HAVE -

**Ranboo:** [snorting] brainscell…

**Karl:** Die! Die. Get stabbed.

**Ranboo:** No.

Heart emoji.

**Karl:** _Fucker._

Anyway! My _braincells_ are _dying_ because -

**Ranboo:** You're a simp?

You're a dirty little simp boy?

**Karl:** THAT'S NOT WHAT SIMP MEANS?

**Ranboo:** It - it - wh - _huh_ -

**Dream:** WE FUCKING LIVE TOGETHER. WHY ARE WE CALLING.

**Ranboo:** Shut UPP I CAN HEAR YOU YELLING FROM THE BASEMENT -

Me and Karl were TALKING you DICK -

**Dream:** WELL NOW I CAN HEAR _YOU_ YELLING -

**Ranboo:** MAYBE I WOULDNT BE FUCKING YELLING IF MY BROTHER WASN'T THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON TO EVER EXIST EVER AND -

**Dream:** [shrieks. Just fucking shrieks. For fun, I guess.]

**Ranboo:** [shrieks back]

**Karl:** [humming] ammm I pretty enough… to fucking dieeeeeee…

Oh! Oh my god. I can't believe I forgot I had a monster in the fridge, monster milk time.

**Ranboo** & **Dream:** _NO -_

-

**_FeralRam1223_ ** _ & _ **_Ranboo_ **

_(Dms)_

**Ranboo** started a voice-call!

**Ranboo:** 'Bo.

Tubbo.

_Tubbooooo._

**Tubbo:** [yawns]

's late, why're you still up?

**Ranboo:** [muffled groan]

**Tubbo:** You good, big man?

[Ranboo turns his camera on, it's on his nightstand, propped up against his lamp. He looks tired, and he barely can keep his eyes open as he stares at his phone.]

**Tubbo:** Oohh. Nonverbal?

[He nods, giving Tubbo a thumbs up.]

**Tubbo:** Ah. I see. Okay, so, uh, I was watching this show today, right? And - oh! Wait! First, let me turn my camera on and show you Jam - 

[Ranboo's tail sways contently as he listens to his friend ramble, a soft smile forming on his face as he drifts to sleep.]

-

**_Big Q_ ** _ & _ **_Theseus_ **

_(Dms)_

**Theseus** started a voice-call!

**Tommy:** [cackling] HI BIG Q -

**Quackity:** Hey, Tommy.

**Tommy:** DID SAMSUNG ACTUALLY TRY TO -

**Quackity:** Bite Sapnap's dick off?

Yes.

**Tommy:** _GOD._

HOW ARE YOU NOT LAUGHING THAT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY?

**Quackity:** It's - it's not -

It's not -

It's -

[Laughing] no yeah, it's so fucking funny.

**Tommy:** Samsung Middle Name Soot-Minecraft Question Mark, my favorite sibling.

**Quackity:** What the FUCK is that name.

**Tommy:** Well. Her name is Samsung.

**Quackity:** After Philza's ex, yes, we've established.

**Tommy:** Yes yes, well, I don't know her middle name. Wilbur definitely gave her one… [muttering] _fucking theater kid…_

But I don't know it! So, Middle Name it is.

And I don't know if her last name is Soot or Minecraft. So, there's where the Question Mark comes from. But yes it's a part of the name. Very important, Big Q, _very_ important.

**Quackity:** Oh, of course, of course. 

**Tommy:** I gave her extra treats when Wilbur brought her back.

The extra treats being the original Jam.

**Quackity:** [Unintelligible] 

_TOMMY?_

JAM?????? THE PLANT??? _TUBBO'S PLANT????_

**Tommy:** HEY! HEY! NO! LISTEN! LISTEN! THAT SOUNDS MORE FUCKED UP THEN I MEANT!

**Quackity:** _TOMMY???_

**Tommy:** TUBBO ALREADY GOT USED TO THE NEW CHILD! I COULDN'T TELL HIM I FOUND THE FIRST BORN!

THAT'D BE LIKE TELLING WILBUR ABOUT! Well… you know.

**Quackity:** WHAT?

TOMMY WHAT???

_TOMMY???_

**Theseus** has disconnected from the voice-call!

**Quackity:** [Hysterical] _TOMMY???????????????????_

-

**_Fundy_ ** _ & _ **_Dream_ **

_(Dms)_

**Dream** started a video-call!

**Fundy:** Dream?

[Dream seems to pay no mind to Fundy as he positions the phone in the perfect camera position. Fundy watches, amused.]

**Fundy:** [Fondly] Dork.

**Dream:** Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck -

[He cuts himself off as he gets the phone in the seemingly "correct" position, he coughs, before looking dead at the camera as he brings his mic to his lips.]

**Fundy:** … I don't like this. 

**Dream:** [Bass-boosted] _PISS -_

**Fundy:** GOD FUCK _OFF-_

**Dream** has ended the video-call!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> coughs into mic... call chapter aha...
> 
> also some good soft beeduo content yes yes...
> 
> anyway I will not be doing call chapters All That Often but they do allow me to play around more!! they're very fun I hope u enjoy them as much as I do tee hee as always follow me on twt @eyemug aha also join the discord and look at my incredible mcyt picsart edits
> 
> https://discord.gg/PUnqWmFtFE
> 
> ALSO WHILE DREAM DID NOT SAY THE F SLUR ITS PRETTY OBVIOUS HE WAS GOING TO SO I WANT TO SAY I AM NBLM AND CAN RECLAIM IT TY GN🙏🙏🙏‼️‼️‼️‼️


End file.
